22 people in one home ! No I’m not kidding. 280

” 22 people under one roof. In one home. Really!”, this is the normal reaction of my friends when I share with them my experience of staying in the joint family since birth.

Now when we are staying in hyper-smart cities, this is really something above the line. As nobody can imagine how can so many survive together like this. Most of us are staying in small nuclear families, where there are hardly any visitors from our families or guests with blood relations, as we all are Super-busy, and if there are sometimes, we believe it is so much addition of work and responsibilities to our daily routine. ” Akhir time Kiske pass hai”, and “agar hoga kabhi, we will go on vacations abroad, but will hardly visit any relative.”..True, isn’t it?

But just to share, my experience, staying in a joint family is a blessing though, since each individual gets to learn so much and there is no need to go to personality development classes.

First, We learn TOLERANCE, yes that is opposite of intolerance – that we all are heading to slowly. When they are so many people, your grandparents, your elder uncle aunts, who also are of the second level of grandparents and their families, other younger siblings of your parents, your parents’ maternal families who would love to visit your grand house each fortnight, you automatic learn to tolerate people, it’s like a habit. You know they are there, their viewpoints on each thing are there, so you know you have to regard and tolerate them always. No options mean no excuse on that, after all, you start liking them together.

Second, you do not need a reason to PARTY, after all when you 22 are together and someone visits you with families( which is quite often), you order more than 30 samosa’s and rasgulla’s with milk badam for everyone, what do you need more in-house party then? lolzz. Even a small occasion is celebrated well since your family is together, you cannot miss anything important on the celebration or feel lonely ever. For me, this is the reason, I can’t stay alone at all, I need company whenever I eat a meal or even have a cup of tea.

Third, you learn tact of ADJUSTMENT, this is a powerful word. In today’s time if you are of adjusting nature, believe me, you really have a super power, for I know several people who are in serious trouble in their relations since they do not like to adjust at all. When your cousin wants your favorite suit to wear on a particular occasion, you know you have to adjust to your next favorite then or if your want to take bath in your bathroom before you, you know you have to adjust and wait.

Fourth, you learn the art of Good Communication. When you need to convince your 10-12 elders, to allow you to go on a college trip, you know how to convince. When in lobby everyone sits and tell their tales of a busy day in the evening, you become a good listener. Good communication is the key to happiness in the families as it simply fades away the doubts on the relations.

Fifth, you get a critical evaluation for free, Yes, I have seen people calling me to critical analyze their move, their dressing sense or way they represent something. But you know, you will get a lot of critical analysis from so many people in the family while you will step out of the room, you will be confident enough knowing what is wrong and what is not.

Last but not the least, you become extremely Knowledgable and that too practically without Google. You learn things related to culture, traditions, values and even learn culinary things. I know I learned the art of cutting vegetable and fruits quickly, making seasonal pickles, operate tandoor and art of cooking in bulk from my grandmother, mom and aunts in the kitchen. My cousins helped me to learn, how to fly kite, play guitar, play harmonium and dance. I learned hundreds of age-old nuska’s or home remedies to fight illness of any type. and of course, I always knew, how not to be bored !! haha

The list is so long, the things I have learned from my joint family. I still live with my in-laws and great grand parents of my kids but faimily count is 8. Missing fun of 22 though !

 

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.