A Letter to a Woman From Another Woman 73

To my dear stay at home friend,

I know, how you feel and I can understand. When people ask you, “what do you do at home?” I know, how you work so endlessly from the time you wake up and till you go to bed and you are on your feet continuously doing the endless chorus. I know, you work 24/7 and yet, there is no much appreciation nor do you expect them. I know, even being at home, how you cannot even scrap a minute, to just sit and sip your cup of tea relaxed, because everyone wants you for every single work, not to mention the wailing toddler. I know, how you feel when you hear about your other corporate friends having a feast and enjoying time in their workplace, it may make you think, “what am I doing?” I know, it’s not easy to take care of things at home as well as get things done from out. I know, you are stronger than anyone else and how you are misunderstood of your strengths. I know, the feeling of disrespect every time you are taken for granted. Yet you keep moving on.

I admire you, for your strengths, for your positivity to keep going and keeping up with the family. I don’t know how you do it every day with so much patience to make everyone happy and yet not expect anything for yourself. I understand, how you feel dear friend because we both are a woman and we want same things.

Whatever you do, do it because it makes you happy and not because you are forced to do it. Know that you are the best.

-Love, from your Working friend

To my dear working friend,

I know how you feel every day when you step out of the door wanting some more time. I know and I understand the frustration you feel that if your child ate his or her food properly or not because you were supposed to be in an early meeting. I know and I understand how helpless you feel when people judge you for your skills in being a mother. I know, you love your children and want to do the best for them just like any other mother. I know, that you wait for the evenings just to return home and spend the time with your children and family, even though you are tired for the day. I know and I understand when you try to wake up earlier than anyone else just so, you can keep everything ready for everyone before you go to work. You are there everywhere I go. The doctor I meet, my child teacher, the accountant in my bank, our family therapist visiting our house to take care of the old. You are there, helping us every day. I know, how bad you feel when you could not attend your child PTM or a monthly sport/event. I know, how you skip visiting your parents on the weekends if they are in the same town, simply because you have a whole week of piled up work to take care. I know, the numerous guilt you carry, for not being there when a family is in need. But my dear friend, know this, you are wonderful. You have set an example to your children and to the world that a woman can be successful in her career, yet she can manage her family life. I admire your strength and the attitude of not giving up. Hang in there! dear friend, we may cross our paths some day and we shall sing together the joy of being a woman.

-Love, from your stay at home friend

To all the woman out there!

Wherever you are, whatever you do, do what makes you happy and not what you are forced, based on the society demands. Enjoy life in every moment!!

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.