Accept the Unaccepted and let go….Grieve to Heal! 694

It was 7:00 in the evening and was the third time since morning that I was trying my BFF’s number, in the last so many years of knowing her it has never happened that more than one call goes answered, either she rejects or picks up & says will call back or something like that, but today was different. Well, I pacified myself with the thought that maybe she is busy with an important project in the office.

I started reading my half-finished novel and just after about 15 minutes or so I see her name flashing on my mobile screen with fake anger in my voice I pick up the call but as soon as I hear her “HELLO”, I sense something is not right. Maybe she is not well(I thought) and I ask “Where were you? Were you sleeping? Your voice sounds like you are not well?…So many questions in one breath! I was amazed at myself.

“Sorry!”, she says in a feeble voice & I worry some more. “Is everything okay?”, I ask quite concerned now. “Hmm… Did you have a word with Raghav(her husband)?”,she asks in a shaky voice.

“No! but what happened?”, I ask now fearing something is just not right. There is silence for few seconds and then I hear her sob…before I could gather the courage to ask something, her words enter my ears like a molten glass “Mumma is no more”, and she starts crying like a baby. I was dumbfounded, it was like the world around me had frozen.

The next few days went in a dizzy, none of us really knew what was happening and we were functioning in an automatic zone. After 15 days or so when we were back, It was then that the reality started to look us in the face. Every day I had a word with her she was worse than previous day emotionally.

As the days went by and with my life’s experiences, I realized that it is best to let your emotions out & show to your near ones that you are grieving because if you don’t do that then it becomes a problem. No one will tell us that grief wasn’t just in our minds; it is also in our bodies. There is no education on grief, whether that’s how to survive it or how to support someone in it.

When you are ready to pour out your emotions and cry your heart out or share what is going inside you, it becomes much more easy to handle the loss. Loss of a loved one is the greatest loss ever and it is never easy to overcome the feeling of emptiness that accompanies such loss. If in such a state we don’t mourn and try and show we are fine(when we are actually not) we are harming ourselves big time.

It is important to grieve to heal oneself emotionally when we cry or talk about how we feel about our dear ones it becomes a little easier to continue with life. It is said that time is the best healer, well I don’t believe so! Time will heal us only if we give ourselves the opportunity to mourn and then accept the truth and eventually gather the courage to move on. There’s no point for being dragged along by its undercurrent for years.

I still remember when I lost my parents 10 years ago, believe me, it took me good 5-6 years to gather the courage to mourn and let my feelings out. It was then that I realized the sooner you let the grief out of you the better it is. There is no point faking strength when there is none actually.

So, like every other phase of life, we should accept that grief is also a phase, live it and then let it go!

Grieve to Heal!

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Let there be no other Pradyuman! 1926

 

Dear All,

This is an open letter to whomsoever it may concern, I am really shaken by the death of Pradyuman and series of events that have surfaced in different schools victimising little kids.

I am a mother of a 2-year-old child and the day I saw the news about the cold-blooded murder of a 7-year-old Pradyumn, I was left dumbstruck. Well, I never doubted the fact that human is the most dangerous animal but the way this little boy was murdered is…..no word can describe it.

I don’t know if there was something wrong with schools or there is something seriously wrong with the school management. But, another point that I would like to raise here is about the playschools.

I think most of the parents nowadays send their kids to playschool. It’s a place where children learn the basics of life and get geared up to enter the real world of schooling. But, have you noticed that there are so many playschools have mushroomed in every nook and corner of the city.

I just want to know how many such schools are affiliated or is there any system in place which assures that these playschools follow a set pattern. It might not concern a few but to many of us, it is a point of worry. Knowing the fact that our little ones are very small, they can barely speak clearly, they are too naïve to understand the ill-intentions and malicious thoughts; under such circumstances, there is a dire need to have a system in place which sets the certain protocol for opening playschools.

Even if there are parameters that need to be met to open playschool, it’s important to check for those schools which are running in a room or in a small area where no amenities are present.

What can we do as parents?

I agree to the fact that schools are the second home for a child but, taking into account the recent precedence, it is the time that we as parents take up the charge and become proactive.

If you are planning to enroll your child or have already enrolled then you must have these pointers on your radar-

  • You must know about the playschool and its staff.
  • Try to stay personally connected with the staff members and other staff of the school
  • Enquire about the verification procedure of the staff members
  • The schools should have enquired complete details about each member of the staff, starting from the teachers to the watchman
  • Enquire about the first aid facility available in the school
  • Make sure that you drop your child to his/her class
  • You should do a surprise check in the school
  • Don’t forget to meet your ward’s teacher regularly
  • And the most important thing, you should observe the behavior of your child. It’s very important that you must check if your child is happy to go to school and at the same time he/she is happy while coming back.

These are a few suggestions from my end, you can obviously leave your opinions and feedback on the same. Let’s promise to ensure the safety of our children and their childhood.

 

 

 

Why is ‘Adoption’ unapproved by society for an unmarried single parent? 1383

I was preparing for sleep last night when my friend Asmi called me up. She was sounding flustered. More than flustered, there was a rage in her voice. It happens rarely that Asmi cries. She is 30, strong, self-reliant and a career-oriented woman. She didn’t marry because she chose not to marry. There is no catastrophic heartbreak story behind. Her focus has always been on her career. She is practical and staunched.

I understood her heart is really heavy else there has never been any place for tears in her eyes.

I quizzed her the reason.

“I am not crying because am sad, I am crying because am helpless and exasperated.” Asmi retorted.

I didn’t interrupt and allowed her to put her heart out.

“Preeti, I called my mother last night and had an argument with her.” she continued.

“I told my mother that I want to adopt a baby. Before I could say anything further she started yelling at me. She scolded me saying, Asmi already because of your decision of not getting married we are in pain. Why are you adding troubles to our lives? If you really want to adopt a baby just forget us. We have to live in this society and will have to answer people around. You have always done whatever you want but this time you are crossing your limits.

If not today, maybe tomorrow you will get married. Who will marry a girl with one child? Such things appear good in movies only. You better start focusing on marriage now. Preeti, My mother wasn’t even ready to listen to my thoughts”. Asmi started sobbing.

I really had no words to console her. Her thoughts were irreproachable and valiant.

But we cannot even disregard the fact that we live in a hypocrite society. When celebrities like Sushmita, Angelina, Sunny and more adopt a baby, we eulogize, lionize, praise their thoughts and we consider it as an act of kindness. We appreciate their humanity. We deduce that they gave a new life to someone. But when anyone from our own house even thinks of adoption we make them go through ignominy by coming up with the questions like is there any medical issue? Are you not straight? Why don’t you marry and then plan your own baby? Why are you trying to shame your parents? Why don’t you understand this baby won’t be your own blood? Are you kidding? Etc.

I’ve read somewhere that parenthood requires love and not DNA. I wish we really understand that. Your genes won’t define your family, our family is built with love care and respect. There are many people who do have a heart for adoption but fear comes in between. Fear of society.

I wish people understand that adopting a baby whether you are single or married isn’t a crime.

Adoption will not only give a baby a family but will also give us a special feeling. A feeling of being human. Probably the purpose we all are here for, giving life a life.