Accept the Unaccepted and let go….Grieve to Heal! 1011

It was 7:00 in the evening and was the third time since morning that I was trying my BFF’s number, in the last so many years of knowing her it has never happened that more than one call goes answered, either she rejects or picks up & says will call back or something like that, but today was different. Well, I pacified myself with the thought that maybe she is busy with an important project in the office.

I started reading my half-finished novel and just after about 15 minutes or so I see her name flashing on my mobile screen with fake anger in my voice I pick up the call but as soon as I hear her “HELLO”, I sense something is not right. Maybe she is not well(I thought) and I ask “Where were you? Were you sleeping? Your voice sounds like you are not well?…So many questions in one breath! I was amazed at myself.

“Sorry!”, she says in a feeble voice & I worry some more. “Is everything okay?”, I ask quite concerned now. “Hmm… Did you have a word with Raghav(her husband)?”,she asks in a shaky voice.

“No! but what happened?”, I ask now fearing something is just not right. There is silence for few seconds and then I hear her sob…before I could gather the courage to ask something, her words enter my ears like a molten glass “Mumma is no more”, and she starts crying like a baby. I was dumbfounded, it was like the world around me had frozen.

The next few days went in a dizzy, none of us really knew what was happening and we were functioning in an automatic zone. After 15 days or so when we were back, It was then that the reality started to look us in the face. Every day I had a word with her she was worse than previous day emotionally.

As the days went by and with my life’s experiences, I realized that it is best to let your emotions out & show to your near ones that you are grieving because if you don’t do that then it becomes a problem. No one will tell us that grief wasn’t just in our minds; it is also in our bodies. There is no education on grief, whether that’s how to survive it or how to support someone in it.

When you are ready to pour out your emotions and cry your heart out or share what is going inside you, it becomes much more easy to handle the loss. Loss of a loved one is the greatest loss ever and it is never easy to overcome the feeling of emptiness that accompanies such loss. If in such a state we don’t mourn and try and show we are fine(when we are actually not) we are harming ourselves big time.

It is important to grieve to heal oneself emotionally when we cry or talk about how we feel about our dear ones it becomes a little easier to continue with life. It is said that time is the best healer, well I don’t believe so! Time will heal us only if we give ourselves the opportunity to mourn and then accept the truth and eventually gather the courage to move on. There’s no point for being dragged along by its undercurrent for years.

I still remember when I lost my parents 10 years ago, believe me, it took me good 5-6 years to gather the courage to mourn and let my feelings out. It was then that I realized the sooner you let the grief out of you the better it is. There is no point faking strength when there is none actually.

So, like every other phase of life, we should accept that grief is also a phase, live it and then let it go!

Grieve to Heal!

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This little girl is afraid of lights…. WHY?? Watch the video! 232

A couple of days back I and my daughter witnessed an accident of a man with his child driving on a bike. Lot many people gathered at the spot and some helped the victims. I and my daughter stopped and helped the child who did not have any major wounds but was scarred here and there and was bleeding a little. The man too, but his back was hit badly to the road divider. Probably, I am afraid the inside damage may take some time to be revealed, though I hope he will be healed fully. The public started judging that the father must have lost control. Either he was driving with high speed or was on the phone while driving.

The truth was none of these reasons and the father had no mistake. The mistake was the car that sped away which drove in front of him while they were on the road in opposite direction. The father was at normal speed but when the car took a left turn and the high beam light blinded the father and he could not open his eyes. This made him lose control as he was caught suddenly. The car driver did not realize what he did or how he became a reason for someone to fall and so he just drove away. Luckily the father and daughter did not have any much damage, but what if something serious happened? Who is responsible for it?

Dear people, most vehicles have an option to dimmer your headlights. While driving in city limits keep your headlights dim and when in a darker and outskirts place you can make it higher. Many do not realize this and drive without even bothering about it. Please, do not be a reason of someone’s death knowingly or unknowingly. Do not take away a child’s father or mother just because you were too ignorant to check your headlights while driving. Here is a beautiful video that explains what I am talking. Share with your family and friends and spread the awareness. Because like you many just do not realize and once they know, I am sure people will be careful.

“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1379

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.