It was 7:00 in the evening and was the third time since morning that I was trying my BFF’s number, in the last so many years of knowing her it has never happened that more than one call goes answered, either she rejects or picks up & says will call back or something like that, but today was different. Well, I pacified myself with the thought that maybe she is busy with an important project in the office.
I started reading my half-finished novel and just after about 15 minutes or so I see her name flashing on my mobile screen with fake anger in my voice I pick up the call but as soon as I hear her “HELLO”, I sense something is not right. Maybe she is not well(I thought) and I ask “Where were you? Were you sleeping? Your voice sounds like you are not well?…So many questions in one breath! I was amazed at myself.
“Sorry!”, she says in a feeble voice & I worry some more. “Is everything okay?”, I ask quite concerned now. “Hmm… Did you have a word with Raghav(her husband)?”,she asks in a shaky voice.
“No! but what happened?”, I ask now fearing something is just not right. There is silence for few seconds and then I hear her sob…before I could gather the courage to ask something, her words enter my ears like a molten glass “Mumma is no more”, and she starts crying like a baby. I was dumbfounded, it was like the world around me had frozen.
The next few days went in a dizzy, none of us really knew what was happening and we were functioning in an automatic zone. After 15 days or so when we were back, It was then that the reality started to look us in the face. Every day I had a word with her she was worse than previous day emotionally.
As the days went by and with my life’s experiences, I realized that it is best to let your emotions out & show to your near ones that you are grieving because if you don’t do that then it becomes a problem. No one will tell us that grief wasn’t just in our minds; it is also in our bodies. There is no education on grief, whether that’s how to survive it or how to support someone in it.
When you are ready to pour out your emotions and cry your heart out or share what is going inside you, it becomes much more easy to handle the loss. Loss of a loved one is the greatest loss ever and it is never easy to overcome the feeling of emptiness that accompanies such loss. If in such a state we don’t mourn and try and show we are fine(when we are actually not) we are harming ourselves big time.
It is important to grieve to heal oneself emotionally when we cry or talk about how we feel about our dear ones it becomes a little easier to continue with life. It is said that time is the best healer, well I don’t believe so! Time will heal us only if we give ourselves the opportunity to mourn and then accept the truth and eventually gather the courage to move on. There’s no point for being dragged along by its undercurrent for years.
I still remember when I lost my parents 10 years ago, believe me, it took me good 5-6 years to gather the courage to mourn and let my feelings out. It was then that I realized the sooner you let the grief out of you the better it is. There is no point faking strength when there is none actually.
So, like every other phase of life, we should accept that grief is also a phase, live it and then let it go!
Grieve to Heal!