Arranged Marriage Vs Love Marriage-Which is better? 1559

A couple of days back someone sent a forwarded text in a whats app group, which was meant to be a joke that read,

I told someone, OMG! Arranged marriage? How can you marry someone without knowing?

The reply was, OMG! Love marriage? How can you marry someone even after knowing? (Multiple smilies)

After this message was read by a few friends in the group who are married after being in love for years got offended and started to defend themselves explaining how it is love marriage the better choice than the arranged marriage. This is one of the hot topics in India always because arranged marriages are seen more here than in other parts of the world. Although the trend of arranged marriages are fast changing that people are more educated and independent that they do not need their parents to look for a partner for them anymore.

However, most fail to understand that the institution of marriage is something that needs much patience for learning every day of your life. There are advantages and disadvantages in both the kind of marriage. I agree, tying a knot to a stranger is scarier when we do not even know the person. But marriage is all about getting to know a wonderful relationship with someone in our lives.

Love marriage

The feeling of marrying the person who you have always loved is just so wonderful. You know each other interests, you already respect each other’s likes and dislikes, you know everything, from A to Z about each other. It is truly a gift to marry that someone who already knows you well enough and ready to make the commitment. But, remember the couple is responsible for its choice and onus of the blame in future lies on the couple only and nobody else.

When you are in love, it is only you two and everything goes well but, watch out, you did not know each other well enough with a child, well enough about respecting each other parents and family, well enough treating other important people in your lives and so on about things that happen after marriage. And that is why we see so many failed love marriages.  Your marriage works only depending on how you work on building a strong relationship after marriage.

Arranged Marriage

Standing on the marriage hall podium you tie the knot to that someone who is literally a stranger. You never know, what the person interests, likes, dislikes, strengths, weakness, etc. Yet you get ready to be married believing your parents and all elders who have made this choice for you based on education, job, families etc. There is a high chance for things to go wrong. You may start hating everything he or she does after marriage. But there is also a lot of chances that you may fall in love, with everything your husband or wife does. It’s getting to know the person slowly, day by day, learning about each other, and making adjustments all the same. Again here marriage needs work and adjustments. One cannot live happily when you do not make those commitments and adjustments. So, an arranged marriage fails or works only depending on how you work on it after marriage.

In conclusion, whether you know the person or not before marriage; love marriage or arranged marriage; it always comes down to how you make it work. There are plenty of people who get separated after being in love for more than a decade of years. There are plenty of couples happily married and as strong in love even after 30-40 years of an arranged marriage.

So dear friends, do not ever compare yourself. Make adjustments, make changes, know your partner well before coming to any conclusions and fall in love, again and again, every day. Just stand by each other’s side on good days and stand even closer on bad days. Love marriage or arranged marriage, you are in it for togetherness!!

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.