Born to break the stereotype. 1051

“She has rejected this boy too. Don’t know what is she looking for? ” Shivi’s mom said cryingly.

“Do you think Ranbir Kapoor will come to ask for your hand from us to marry you?” asked her father. The anger was quite evident in his tone.

Shivi who was quietly listening to all the taunts softly replied,” I am not waiting for anyone to come and marry me. I want to find myself before I find anyone else.”

His father lost his temper badly on getting this reply from Shivi and shouted, ” Enough of this finding myself drama Shivi. We are tired of it.”

Shivi was still cool and quite clear in her speech as if she was undisturbed by the storm going in her house at this moment.”

She calmly replied,” Even I am tired of meeting strangers and then telling them that I am not ready for marriage yet.”

A terrific silence filled the atmosphere and Shivi went to her room. She didn’t cry neither she was upset. She spent rest of the evening in her room and went out in the hall around dinner time to find out that hall is completely dark. She lit the light and was almost scared to death to see her mother on the couch as she wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the dark hall.

She tried to avoid the conversation at first but she wasn’t liking it either to see her parents in this condition and more so when she knew the reason of their sadness is she, herself.

Mom, look at me. Do you think I am a curse? Shivi asked her mom.

“What are you saying, you stupid girl.” Shivi’s mother hugged her tightly.

“Why will you say such things Shivi. No matter how much we are angry but you will always remain the apple of our eyes.”

“I know mom, you and dad love me more than you love yourself.”

Things were not normal completely but it was at least that much normal for everyone to sit on the dinner table and ate food quietly.

Shivi’s dad broke the silence and asked her,” Is there anyone you are looking for or maybe you are waiting for the right moment to tell us. I know I have asked this question several times in the past three years but I want to know the real reason for your denial to all the matches we have found suitable for you.”

“Her mother asked her in shivering tone as if she will die of heart attack if her worst fears come true, are u lesbian?”

Whaaattt? Shivi shouted in utter shock. ” Of course not, no mom. Just because I am not ready to marry that doesn’t describe my choice of sexuality.” Shivi left the hall in outrage this time. Both her parents sat perplexed.

Next day morning the house was still silent. It wasn’t a usual morning. It was a silence before the storm.

Shivi had prepared her mom’s favourite Upma in the breakfast and have cooked perfect grilled sandwiches for her dad.

At the breakfast table, before anyone could shoot a question to her, she said, ” Dad, you have asked this several times before and I am sorry I kept quiet and have avoided the answer in all these years. Maybe I wasn’t ready to answer but I think I am ready to answer it now.”

Her mom and dad have waited impatiently to hear the reason for her denial to all 15 marriage proposals.

She continued,”Ma, I want to live my life before I surrender it to someone else. I don’t see myself as a wife or a mother as of now. I can’t share my life till I find out what’s the purpose of my life. I want to live. I am still learning through my experiences and I have a long to-do list that I want to complete and marriage is nowhere on that list as of now.”

Shivi said it in one go and her parents were baffled. It wasn’t easy for them to digest that 26years old girl saying marriage is nowhere on her list.

Her mother said,” I was your mother at the age of 23. I never had this to-do list. Your dad has never stopped me from anything but I always knew my boundaries and I have lived within them and so does everyone do.”

“Thank you, Ma, for solving this for me. Now I know, I am born to break the stereotype.”

Her parents gave her a scornful look.

But Shivi continued,” I have decided I want to travel this world. I can’t see myself confined to one place. I want to meet strangers and learn about their country and their culture. I want to lay on the sand and spent the night watching the starry sky and a lot more I want to do.”

Her father asked,” Who will finance your travel Shivi? Marry someone who can make your dream possible.”

Shivi knew it’s just another attempt of her father to persuade her to marry and get settled down.

She replied,” Dad, you have raised me to an independent woman and I can’t marry someone just to fulfil my dreams and desire. I have another plan you don’t worry about my finance.”

She then showed them an email sent by a tour and travels company who wants to hire Shivi as their travel blogger and for that, they were ready to pay her a handsome salary and also to finance all her travels.

Her parents weren’t happy to see this and Shivi could sense it.

She packed her bags and before saying bye she said, “Mom, I just don’t want to be a another girl. I just can’t sigh and say I want to live my life. Rather I want to be a girl who follow her own dreams and breathe life.”

She further continued,”I know it will be difficult for you to understand that your daughter wants to be a nomad. When other girls crave for security, family and kids I crave for my independence, my existence and the purpose of my life.”

“Sorry to disappoint both of you and to disobey you. ”

She left while her parents watched her going. They didn’t stopped her as they knew now she is unstoppable.

 

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1359

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 225

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.