Children in Nuclear Families. 202

Gone are the times when people stayed together under one huge house, altogether. Different jobs, different lifestyles, different requirements have moved people into different cities, which gave rise to the nuclear families. Everywhere we see, the families are more comfortable to stay away and alone with just the couples and children.

Busy and working lifestyle has made it hard for parents to give much of concentration on anything else outside their small family life and professional life. On a recent occasion, a friend of mine told me that her daughter does not prefer going to any family functions, as she finds it boring. My friend casually commented you know how today’s teenagers are? I wonder if there is a written rule book how teenagers should behave. If I am not wrong, the way today’s teenagers are something they have learned from us, the parents. We dismiss their behaviour blaming it on their age simply because we know it is not possible to correct ourselves.

So what are the things that need careful molding since an early age, so that they do not fall to the same teenage problems or teenage shyness?

Social gatherings

Attending a cousin marriage, family parties and other gatherings not only helps you to build good relations, but it will also help your child get along easily with older people. It is important to develop an attitude where you can easily converse with a person whatever their age might be. I understand it can be stressful at times, but this is one of those things we do it for the good of our children future. When we avoid gatherings, children obviously learn the same.

Athithi Devo Bhava

After a hard working day, you have just returned home and about to make yourself a cup of tea, the doorbell rings. With heavy heart you open it and to your horror, you find yourself face to face with an unexpected guest. It is definitely hard to treat such unexpected guests in such situations. However, try to be open as much as possible. Being isolated without any people around makes your children emotionally weak as well as isolated. Trust me on this, in future even they will be as unwelcoming as you are now.

Stressed-out

In a nuclear family of both working parents, it gets overly stressed out, as there will not be another person to share the work. For example, when a mother tries to be the cook, a maid, a babysitter, after spending hours in the office, it leaves less time to spend quality time with children and share the love. Welcoming another family member such as age-old parents and staying together will not only help your children to grow with love but also gives you a strong moral support.

Non-team player attitude

More the people, different the opinions. Children need to learn how to work it through conflicts and difference in opinions when in a team or group of people at the same time without disrespecting others. This gets difficult to learn in nuclear families as there are very fewer people who have different opinions. Usually, small families develop a certain boundary of like-minded thinking.

Although with many disadvantages, nuclear families are the most preferred because of the comfort, financial security, stability, and less stress. However, no families are perfect and it will always help to find ways to alleviate the problems of being a close-knit or an isolated family. After all, happiness is the ultimate goal of everyone. Help your children to learn the values of families, respecting their elders, and being a good and smart problem solver.

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.