Four Things I Learnt About My Parents 123

Parents, our creators, our mentors and our guides forever. We all learn so much ‘from’ our parents but this is to share what I learnt ‘about’ my parents in my late twenties. And I am sure you all will also agree to these-

They want to be an active part of our lives

Most of us have moved away from home and are living a life of our own. Our jobs, our friends, our daily routines – are our own. Our parents have seen us growing up in their sight – enjoying our every achievement, celebrating our every birthday, reprimanding us for our grave mistakes. Our lives have been moulded and transformed into the current shape and form by the efforts of our parents. Suddenly, we grew up and went out alone in this big bad world. Suddenly, their active involvement was reduced to a couple of phone calls and limited information. They ache to be an active part of our lives and with Google giving all the information from cooking to cleaning tips to setting a home – they feel their role has been diminished. Still, not giving up, they try to give tidbits of advice and wisdom wherever they can.  g

What I learnt was not to argue against the advice, no matter whether I feel it is relevant or not. An affirmation that I am listening to them and will start practicing their advice makes them feel they are still needed in our lives. Just recently, my mother taught me Yoga for my back troubles. Initially, I was too tired and lazy, but when I saw the glint in her eyes, I decided to go for it. She spent 15 minutes putting the Ipad in a position from where the recording would capture my movements on the mat – because she wanted me to remember the moves. Just the effort put in by her motivated me to let her give me a 30 min lesson – which by the way – turned out to be quite useful.

They are trying hard to understand our ways

It is 2017. Many of us are in a world fighting to be more independent and ahead every day. It was different in their time. Neither did they have as many choices as we do, nor were they born with a sense of living their own life – they were born with a sense of responsibility. We are different. We like to make our own choices, live the life on our rules, and question what is taught down to us. Parents are not tuned to understand this naturally or accept this without worrying about our welfare. Changing choice of partner in the e-dating era, changing career choices, fast paced life, pushing the marriageability age, breaking away from the standard roles of men and women – they are happy for us – cautiously – and are trying their best to think like us. It is as tough as it is for us to think like them.

What I learnt was to be patient and more importantly, be considerate with them as they struggle to understand our lifestyle. Remove phrases like ‘ “It is my life”; “You do not understand”. They might understand, they might not – they will definitely make an effort and you should definitely reach a compromise for the two most important people in your life.

They think about us 24×7

We are their life. They did not have the comfort of nannies and were there for us all the time. From the day we are born, their life is about us. How can this mindset go away – our good, our health….our welfare…waiting for a call.

What I learnt was to call them regularly and if I cannot, to communicate through Whatsapp. Sometimes when the gap between calls is too long, it is important to let parents vent out a little on why I did not call them.

They need us

They need us in a lot of ways which they won’t tell – they are scared of retirement…health….distance….they need their kids as their support. Also, they need validation that they have been good parents – when you cook like them or take their ways. Being a parent is one the most precious gifts in the world, yet so often we take them for granted. They have needs and wants and fears and joys.

For many twenty-somethings, in this age, We don’t turn to our parents for guidance anymore. We don’t look to them for love. We seek validation for our choices and our emotions in the advice of friends and colleagues. Don’t we?

All I want to say here to all of the millennials out there to take an hour out of their ‘oh so busy’ lives and spend it drinking coffee with your creators. Don’t talk about money or anything material. Don’t talk about the weather or politics. Talk about each other. You will be so surprised at how much you learn and how much they will appreciate your effort.

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Let there be no other Pradyuman! 1926

 

Dear All,

This is an open letter to whomsoever it may concern, I am really shaken by the death of Pradyuman and series of events that have surfaced in different schools victimising little kids.

I am a mother of a 2-year-old child and the day I saw the news about the cold-blooded murder of a 7-year-old Pradyumn, I was left dumbstruck. Well, I never doubted the fact that human is the most dangerous animal but the way this little boy was murdered is…..no word can describe it.

I don’t know if there was something wrong with schools or there is something seriously wrong with the school management. But, another point that I would like to raise here is about the playschools.

I think most of the parents nowadays send their kids to playschool. It’s a place where children learn the basics of life and get geared up to enter the real world of schooling. But, have you noticed that there are so many playschools have mushroomed in every nook and corner of the city.

I just want to know how many such schools are affiliated or is there any system in place which assures that these playschools follow a set pattern. It might not concern a few but to many of us, it is a point of worry. Knowing the fact that our little ones are very small, they can barely speak clearly, they are too naïve to understand the ill-intentions and malicious thoughts; under such circumstances, there is a dire need to have a system in place which sets the certain protocol for opening playschools.

Even if there are parameters that need to be met to open playschool, it’s important to check for those schools which are running in a room or in a small area where no amenities are present.

What can we do as parents?

I agree to the fact that schools are the second home for a child but, taking into account the recent precedence, it is the time that we as parents take up the charge and become proactive.

If you are planning to enroll your child or have already enrolled then you must have these pointers on your radar-

  • You must know about the playschool and its staff.
  • Try to stay personally connected with the staff members and other staff of the school
  • Enquire about the verification procedure of the staff members
  • The schools should have enquired complete details about each member of the staff, starting from the teachers to the watchman
  • Enquire about the first aid facility available in the school
  • Make sure that you drop your child to his/her class
  • You should do a surprise check in the school
  • Don’t forget to meet your ward’s teacher regularly
  • And the most important thing, you should observe the behavior of your child. It’s very important that you must check if your child is happy to go to school and at the same time he/she is happy while coming back.

These are a few suggestions from my end, you can obviously leave your opinions and feedback on the same. Let’s promise to ensure the safety of our children and their childhood.

 

 

 

Why is ‘Adoption’ unapproved by society for an unmarried single parent? 1383

I was preparing for sleep last night when my friend Asmi called me up. She was sounding flustered. More than flustered, there was a rage in her voice. It happens rarely that Asmi cries. She is 30, strong, self-reliant and a career-oriented woman. She didn’t marry because she chose not to marry. There is no catastrophic heartbreak story behind. Her focus has always been on her career. She is practical and staunched.

I understood her heart is really heavy else there has never been any place for tears in her eyes.

I quizzed her the reason.

“I am not crying because am sad, I am crying because am helpless and exasperated.” Asmi retorted.

I didn’t interrupt and allowed her to put her heart out.

“Preeti, I called my mother last night and had an argument with her.” she continued.

“I told my mother that I want to adopt a baby. Before I could say anything further she started yelling at me. She scolded me saying, Asmi already because of your decision of not getting married we are in pain. Why are you adding troubles to our lives? If you really want to adopt a baby just forget us. We have to live in this society and will have to answer people around. You have always done whatever you want but this time you are crossing your limits.

If not today, maybe tomorrow you will get married. Who will marry a girl with one child? Such things appear good in movies only. You better start focusing on marriage now. Preeti, My mother wasn’t even ready to listen to my thoughts”. Asmi started sobbing.

I really had no words to console her. Her thoughts were irreproachable and valiant.

But we cannot even disregard the fact that we live in a hypocrite society. When celebrities like Sushmita, Angelina, Sunny and more adopt a baby, we eulogize, lionize, praise their thoughts and we consider it as an act of kindness. We appreciate their humanity. We deduce that they gave a new life to someone. But when anyone from our own house even thinks of adoption we make them go through ignominy by coming up with the questions like is there any medical issue? Are you not straight? Why don’t you marry and then plan your own baby? Why are you trying to shame your parents? Why don’t you understand this baby won’t be your own blood? Are you kidding? Etc.

I’ve read somewhere that parenthood requires love and not DNA. I wish we really understand that. Your genes won’t define your family, our family is built with love care and respect. There are many people who do have a heart for adoption but fear comes in between. Fear of society.

I wish people understand that adopting a baby whether you are single or married isn’t a crime.

Adoption will not only give a baby a family but will also give us a special feeling. A feeling of being human. Probably the purpose we all are here for, giving life a life.