I blamed everyone, and everything, but I can’t bring back my child. 6561

It was Saturday morning and I was awakened by his hugs and kisses. As always, I woke up late, as it was 9 o’clock in the morning already. He was up early, did his morning routine and went back to bed just so when I wake up he is next to me. I’ve spent more time in bed with him, morning kiss, big hugs and I finally got up and made him breakfast.

After we ate, we got out of the house to feed our dogs and play with them. That’s when I noticed that I really have to clean our backyard. I’ve been so lazy that I was always telling myself “later” and a week later I still didn’t do it.
While he was playing with our three dogs, one grumpy German Shepherd and two naughty Belgian Shepherd, I started picking up the clutter that they made, swept the dried leaves and that’s when I noticed that the weed overtook our garden.

I remember clearly as it was just yesterday, how beautiful our garden was, full of different kinds of blooming orchids, different colors of roses, and many more lively and beautiful flowers and plants. Just perfectly beautiful and alive. So far from what I am seeing now. Dead plants and green tall weeds, instead of green plants and colorful flowers.

I stopped caring for our garden because our 3 dogs used to jump over the garden fence and eat the flowers, or dig the plants out and kill it. At first, I would always plant them back and try to save them, but it was like every time I do it, dogs will dig it back out again, (grrrr, so wicked)! It made me angry and I just let them dig more and never laid my eyes on our garden again.

Now as I am looking at it and thinking, my garden is like my life, once it was so beautiful, full of happiness, full of life. Relationship with my man wasn’t perfect but we worked on it until we made it perfect for us. Yes, we had our flaws, but we accepted it and learn how to correct them.

When I got pregnant, it made our relationship stronger. It was so beautiful that I couldn’t ask for more. We were perfectly happy. You know when you feel like every day of your life was full of excitement and dreams, talking about the future with your baby? There are days that other people will give you headaches because of their stupidity, but at the end of the day, you both just laugh it off because there’s more to life than that ignorance. It feels like your baby is the cure for all unpleasant things that are trying to break you and ruin your daily life.

Then she was taken from you, and all you can see is failures, stupid things, mistakes. All you feel is pain, grief, and hatred. How can you live after your life was taken from you? How can you see a beautiful future if that future became your ugly past? How can you find meaning in your life again? Would you want to continue living?

6 months ago, my life has ended when our daughter was taken from us without any signs. Can anyone or anything make you prepare for that kind of pain? Every day, I wished I could do something to bring her back. Every night I wished I will never wake up. There is not a day that I wish that it should just be me, and not her. Not a day that I did not blame myself, maybe there is something I could do, or maybe there’s something I didn’t do. I blamed the doctors for not saving her, heck! they did not even have an explanation why it happened to her, they can’t tell me the reason! She was healthy from day one, all her tests and my tests were great. I blamed my OB for not taking her time to check me, that she was always in a hurry when I visited her.

I blamed everyone and everything, but I can’t bring back my child. I can’t bring back the happiness I had. Just like my garden, I blamed our dogs but it won’t bring back my beautiful garden, it won’t bring back the flowers to bloom, it won’t bring the withered plants back to life.

What we need are courage and perseverance. Yes, we can blame everyone but it won’t bring back our lost child to us, instead, we can take small steps to bring back our life. Yes, it won’t be as beautiful as it was in the past but if we just take those steps every day, I know we can make our lives beautiful again. Just like my garden, I won’t be able to bring back how it looked like before, but pulling out the weeds, cleaning and watering it every day, planting new plants and flowers, and make the fence stronger, in no time I can make my garden beautiful again.
This is my message to you. Stop blaming yourself, stop blaming everybody. Make those steps forward, I am not saying it is easy, because it is not, its damn difficult! However, you have to do it. There is no life without difficulty, and there is no garden without weeds. Slowly take off all the heavy baggage in your life, start living again, pull out the ugly weeds, replace the withered plants with new ones. Before you know it, you’re slowly healing. Start fresh, and live your life again.

This is my message to you. Stop blaming yourself, stop blaming everybody. Make those steps forward, I am not saying it is easy, because it is not, its damn difficult! However, you have to do it. There is no life without difficulty, and there is no garden without weeds. Slowly take off all the heavy baggage in your life, start living again, pull out the ugly weeds, replace the withered plants with new ones. Before you know it, you’re slowly healing. Start fresh, and live your life again.

I’m still in the process of healing, but with the help of my unmarried husband, I’m taking one little step every day toward making our life beautiful again. How about you?

 

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Let there be no other Pradyuman! 1926

 

Dear All,

This is an open letter to whomsoever it may concern, I am really shaken by the death of Pradyuman and series of events that have surfaced in different schools victimising little kids.

I am a mother of a 2-year-old child and the day I saw the news about the cold-blooded murder of a 7-year-old Pradyumn, I was left dumbstruck. Well, I never doubted the fact that human is the most dangerous animal but the way this little boy was murdered is…..no word can describe it.

I don’t know if there was something wrong with schools or there is something seriously wrong with the school management. But, another point that I would like to raise here is about the playschools.

I think most of the parents nowadays send their kids to playschool. It’s a place where children learn the basics of life and get geared up to enter the real world of schooling. But, have you noticed that there are so many playschools have mushroomed in every nook and corner of the city.

I just want to know how many such schools are affiliated or is there any system in place which assures that these playschools follow a set pattern. It might not concern a few but to many of us, it is a point of worry. Knowing the fact that our little ones are very small, they can barely speak clearly, they are too naïve to understand the ill-intentions and malicious thoughts; under such circumstances, there is a dire need to have a system in place which sets the certain protocol for opening playschools.

Even if there are parameters that need to be met to open playschool, it’s important to check for those schools which are running in a room or in a small area where no amenities are present.

What can we do as parents?

I agree to the fact that schools are the second home for a child but, taking into account the recent precedence, it is the time that we as parents take up the charge and become proactive.

If you are planning to enroll your child or have already enrolled then you must have these pointers on your radar-

  • You must know about the playschool and its staff.
  • Try to stay personally connected with the staff members and other staff of the school
  • Enquire about the verification procedure of the staff members
  • The schools should have enquired complete details about each member of the staff, starting from the teachers to the watchman
  • Enquire about the first aid facility available in the school
  • Make sure that you drop your child to his/her class
  • You should do a surprise check in the school
  • Don’t forget to meet your ward’s teacher regularly
  • And the most important thing, you should observe the behavior of your child. It’s very important that you must check if your child is happy to go to school and at the same time he/she is happy while coming back.

These are a few suggestions from my end, you can obviously leave your opinions and feedback on the same. Let’s promise to ensure the safety of our children and their childhood.

 

 

 

Why is ‘Adoption’ unapproved by society for an unmarried single parent? 1383

I was preparing for sleep last night when my friend Asmi called me up. She was sounding flustered. More than flustered, there was a rage in her voice. It happens rarely that Asmi cries. She is 30, strong, self-reliant and a career-oriented woman. She didn’t marry because she chose not to marry. There is no catastrophic heartbreak story behind. Her focus has always been on her career. She is practical and staunched.

I understood her heart is really heavy else there has never been any place for tears in her eyes.

I quizzed her the reason.

“I am not crying because am sad, I am crying because am helpless and exasperated.” Asmi retorted.

I didn’t interrupt and allowed her to put her heart out.

“Preeti, I called my mother last night and had an argument with her.” she continued.

“I told my mother that I want to adopt a baby. Before I could say anything further she started yelling at me. She scolded me saying, Asmi already because of your decision of not getting married we are in pain. Why are you adding troubles to our lives? If you really want to adopt a baby just forget us. We have to live in this society and will have to answer people around. You have always done whatever you want but this time you are crossing your limits.

If not today, maybe tomorrow you will get married. Who will marry a girl with one child? Such things appear good in movies only. You better start focusing on marriage now. Preeti, My mother wasn’t even ready to listen to my thoughts”. Asmi started sobbing.

I really had no words to console her. Her thoughts were irreproachable and valiant.

But we cannot even disregard the fact that we live in a hypocrite society. When celebrities like Sushmita, Angelina, Sunny and more adopt a baby, we eulogize, lionize, praise their thoughts and we consider it as an act of kindness. We appreciate their humanity. We deduce that they gave a new life to someone. But when anyone from our own house even thinks of adoption we make them go through ignominy by coming up with the questions like is there any medical issue? Are you not straight? Why don’t you marry and then plan your own baby? Why are you trying to shame your parents? Why don’t you understand this baby won’t be your own blood? Are you kidding? Etc.

I’ve read somewhere that parenthood requires love and not DNA. I wish we really understand that. Your genes won’t define your family, our family is built with love care and respect. There are many people who do have a heart for adoption but fear comes in between. Fear of society.

I wish people understand that adopting a baby whether you are single or married isn’t a crime.

Adoption will not only give a baby a family but will also give us a special feeling. A feeling of being human. Probably the purpose we all are here for, giving life a life.