I Decided to Walk Forward 558

It was the day of my results and since the time I got up, the day did not go too well. There was tension in the air and everything kept going wrong. I knew I had not done my science paper well but I was hoping things may turn up OK. We waited for the time to check out my results that were supposed to be announced today at 12:30 P.M. Mom and Dad had a lot of hopes this time as it was; as they say it, a turning point in my career. Although I wanted to do different things in my life, I trust my parents. After my tenth class, they want me to pursue science and become an engineer just like mom and dad. My mom is a design engineer and dad a manager of the testing department in a software company.

The results were announced and when I checked, I could not believe my eyes. I checked if I did type my number correct and I retyped, hoping there might be some error. My score was way much less than what I had hoped and definitely, my parents will be disappointed. My mom had already discussed with all her friends and had decided which college she wants me to join. But not now, it may not be possible. Mom also checked my results and she was shocked to know and she did not speak to me.

I could not face her and I simply stepped into my room. I knew, once dad comes to know about it, he will be angry and disappointed too. By then, the phone started to ring and mom let it go to answering machine. Most of it was from my friends asking about my results. I felt ashamed, confused and scared and did not know what to do next. Strange thoughts started to form in my mind. I decided that I should end my life and free my parents of the misery of answering everyone who wants to know my score. I went to my room and sat on the edge of my bed and took out a pen and paper to write a note to my mom.

For a moment, I could not think. I sat blankly. So I just lay down on the bed in tears. After a while, I thought what will happen if I just end my life. Will that help my parents? However, all I could see imagining is that their heart will be broken forever. My mom who always wanted me to be happy will be shattered. I know she is unhappy with the marks, but I also know that she loves me more than that. Tinku, my younger brother who always fights with me, also adores me. He will be left all alone and will not have his big sister to correct him or anyone to take care of him and guide him. What kind of example will I be setting for him?

My father who loves me the most will be devastated and may not recover ever. Didn’t he just say a few days back to his colleague that he will do anything for my happiness and his children are the most important in his life? Is this what I want all of my family to feel? My marks maybe a small amount of pain and a temporary one, but giving up on life may cause them heartache for an entire lifetime. Oh my God! I realized that I really did not want to cause such a pain to my family. I do not want them to suffer forever.

My father who loves me the most will be devastated and may not recover ever. Didn’t he just say a few days back to his colleague that he will do anything for my happiness and his children are the most important in his life? Is this what I want all of my family to feel? My marks maybe a small amount of pain and a temporary one, but giving up on life may cause them heartache for an entire lifetime. Oh my God! I realized that I really did not want to cause such a pain to my family. I do not want them to suffer forever.

Finally I decided to face the situation. Try to work it out as best as I can. I woke up the next day deciding to face the day boldly. I freshened up and came out of my room and before I could talk to mom, my brother came to me and said, “Didi!, why did you not talk to me yesterday. Are you angry with me? Please do not be angry with me. I will give back your pen and will never touch your things. But please do not stay away from me.”

All, I could do then, is just smile at him, thanking God for giving me enough sense and saving my life from my own hands. I went into the kitchen dreading talking to mom. I took a deep breath and told her that “ I tried my best and am sorry for disappointing her”. To my surprise, she looked at me and told me that she has long forgotten about it and she already decided that it does not matter. She said “ I know you tried hard beta! I was just not prepared yesterday. But I know you and I always trust you. We always have other options and we can find what suits best for you, isn’t it? Come now, you slept without eating last night. Let’s have breakfast together.” Whoa! I really did not expect this reaction from her! But she told me that I need to make the right choice for what I want to study further as that is what going to make my future.

Today I sit here, being the Managing Director of an established Advertising Company. I travel all around the world and my parents are extremely proud of me. It all happened, because I decided to face a simple situation and work towards my dreams and do what I was good at. Life is never easy and we always find ourselves facing failure. But always remember, failures are not the end of us. Instead, they are the beginning of something new.

Previous ArticleNext Article

“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.