Identity 283

Amyara was lost in her thoughts as she looked out of the window of her apartment which was on the 3rd floor. Being from a small town she was looking at the adjacent high rise buildings with amaze. She was looking at the car parking watching people rushing for their offices, children who were forced to run by their mommies in the fear that they will get late for the school.

Despite all the movement, the world never looked so stationary to her.

Mayank, her husband has left for his work and her house was quiet. But a storm of emotions inside her was making her guilty and angry at the same time. Amyara and Mayank have got married recently, shifted to this new house in Delhi. Mayank works as a sales executive for a renowned bank and also trying to set up his own venture in partnership with his friend Gopal. And Amyara wanted to pursue her dream of getting management degree from IIM.

Last night they had heated arguments as Amyara expressed her interest in pursuing her education and taking up a job to support her education.

With tears in her eyes and with a very heavy heart she got up from the chair on which she was sitting like a statue from past three hours. She went into the kitchen and find out that Mayank had left without having his breakfast. She was suddenly more guilty and started crying like a child.

She was not able to understand her mistake. She just expressed her desire and never wanted to hurt him.

“He should understand that I love him so much. But at the same time, I cannot let go of my dream of having my own ‘identity’…..”was all in her mind.

Mayank always wanted her wife to be a homemaker instead of pursuing her education or becoming a working woman. He married Amyara with thoughts that she is from a small town and she will be happy to stay at home while he, as a man of the house, will upturn all the stone by his hard work to make their life beautiful and comfortable.

“How can she even think of pursuing her education and working to support her education?”, he thought.

His male ego has severely got hurt.

Mayank was not able to concentrate on his work in the office. He thought to take a day off and he went out to meet Gopal, who mostly works from home as a freelancer software developer.

Gopal could easily guess that something was disturbing him.

Gopal brewed the coffee for both of them and sat on the chair adjacent to the Mayank’s chair. Without wasting time he directly asked him,”Is everything alright”. Mayank kept his eyes glued to the window on the opposite wall and didn’t reply. Gopal waited patiently for him to speak. After sometime Mayank cleared his throat and his pain started coming out in the form of words. Gopal was all ears to Mayank and didn’t interrupt even though he himself couldn’t agree to his views.

Whatever little Gopal knew about Amyara was enough for him to know that she deserved to pursue her dreams.

He remembered all the praises about Amyara, back at her place and the hardship she had to face to complete her masters in commerce.

With her mother battled with cancer, she couldn’t leave Varanasi to pursue her dreams. Though her mother expired during her final exams, she was not deterred from writing her exams and came up with flying colours.

He was listening to each and every word patiently. On asked his advice, he mustered all his courage and said,”The girl who is strongly determined to educate herself should not be caged, should be allowed to fly freely.” Mayank wasn’t expecting this reply and was shocked to hear that.

Mayank was disappointed and he left Gopal’s place. After wandering for some time he finally decided to go back to home.

Amyara has also sobered up by now after crying for hours. She decided to tackle this calmly as arguments on this will never make her dream come true.

On his way back to home, there was a chaos in Mayank’s mind. Will she ever be able to make it to the IIM? Nah! said his male ego. He has always looked upon Amyara as a homely girl from a small town.

“……Will she ever be able to make it to the IIM? Nah!”, said his male ego. He has always looked upon

“She is just a homely girl from a small town. Once failed, she will never have such thoughts again”, told his wicked side. So he took this as an opportunity to show Amyara that her place is at home and not among the intellectuals.

He bought some flowers and went home.

Amyara hurriedly ran to the door as the bell rang. She was perplexed to see Mayank holding the bouquet.

Before she could say anything, Mayank unwillingly apologised to her for his behaviour. Amyara wasn’t able to react at first then a beautiful smile ran on her face. The innocent soul failed to understand the motive behind the Mayank’s changed behaviour. The deceptive smile of Mayank won her heart again.

She ran to the kitchen and brewed coffee for both of them. The laughter, coffee and love made them both forget about the argument and everything seems to fall in place for Amyara.

After dinner, they both decided to go for a stroll.

Leaning on his shoulders while their fingers intertwined, Amayara asked Mayank what made him change his opinion? Mayank, without looking at her, replied,”I want to see you happy”.

Amayara closed her eyes and thanked her stars for having such a wonderful life partner. Little did she know about Mayank’s real intentions.

Amyara got lucky with her job search and bagged a job as an assistant professor of economics at the nearby college and also started her studies for CAT.

Three months passed quickly and Amyara set the perfect balance between home, studies and her work.

Mayank failed to find even a single complain about anything and was astonished to see her managing everything so perfectly. But he still wanted Amyara to fail to get admission to IIM and just wanted her to be a home maker.

Amyara was a hard working girl since her childhood and she knew how to fight odds.

She was getting praises for her work and home balance. Amit, her fellow professor, was also preparing for CAT and was willingly helping Amyara to prepare for the same.

Amit also persuaded Amyara to join the weekend classes where professional mentors can help her prepare better for the exam. But Amyara didn’t want to give any chance to Mayank to feel lonely because of her studies or job so she refused to join any classes on weekend.

Amit continued to help her as much as he can. Their friendship grew and Amit started liking her though he knew she is married but still he couldn’t resist falling for this girl who is beautiful, strong and determined. Her qualities irresistible for anyone to stop admiring her. More they spent time together more she attracts Amit. But Amit didn’t want to break their friendship bond so he hid his feeling from her.

Now only 10 days left for their exam and Amyara while marking the calendar realised it’s Mayank’s birthday in two days.

Though it was difficult but still she planned to threw a surprise birthday party for him. She planned everything and invited his colleagues, friends including Gopal.

On his birthday all the guests gathered before he could come back from the work. As the door bell rang, Amyara ran to open the door. Mayank was surprised to see so many people at his place.

The decoration, food and the hospitality of Amyara amused him and others.

But still, Mayank wasn’t happy. He could not take that this small town girl can do so much. He always wanted a wife but not like Amyara. He never imagined that a small town girl can be so much talented.

Amyara introduced Mayank to her colleagues. Mayank couldn’t hide his annoyance while talking to Amit as he knew he is helping Amyara to crack the CAT.

When fellow professors told Mayank that how Amyara and Amit both are working hard together to crack the exam, Mayank couldn’t control his emotions and lost his temper. He started hurling abuses to Amit. His Male ego outbursted and he started blaming Amyara for having an extramarital affair with Amit.

Amyara was baffled to hear such words about herself from her husband. She couldn’t believe her ears.

Other guests intervened and Amit left soon after. Amyara was standing like a stone there; confused and disheartened.

Soon everyone else left except Gopal. he was trying to calm Mayank down and was also feeling very bad for Amyara who was sitting in a chair unable to swallow down what she heard.

Mayank started again and blamed Gopal also for having an eye on Amyara. Gopal couldn’t take this insult and left the place.

Amyara failed to understand what she did? What’s her fault? And moreover why Mayank thinks that she is having an extramarital affair with Amit.

Mayank’s voice shook her further. He was completely drunk now. And his true feelings came out,” You can never reach IIM. I was waiting to see you fail. How can a small town girl ever think about it?”

Amyara felt as if someone has kicked her hard in her stomach. She gasped for air to breathe.

She left her place and went to her friend’s place.

Next day morning when Amyara returned from her friend’s place she thought Mayank must have left for work now. But Mayank was at home only.

Mayank kept quiet on seeing Amyara. Even Amyara didn’t say a word to him. She took a shower and left for her college. As she was reaching the door she heard Mayank saying,”Have fun with Amit!”. She ignored him completely. This fumed Mayank’s anger even more. He packed all the belongings of Amyara in the suitcase and when she came back from work he asked her to leave wherever she please to.

Amyara still didn’t react and silently took all her belongings and left.

When Amit came to know about it, the lover in him was happy to see their marriage falling.

At least now his love has a chance, he thought.

Amyara stayed in a lodge and gave her exam. She refused to bow down in front of the circumstances created by her husband. After writing exam she took a week’s leave and left for Varanasi to see her dad.

Her dad was heartbroken to know all that Amyara went through. He is the support system of Amyara and he came in full support of her. He respected her decision of taking divorce from Mayank.

Mayank got the legal notice from Amyara’s lawyer about separation. His male ego got hurt again. He immediately called his father, Mr Sinha, and told him how Amyara is having an extramarital affair with Amit and now giving divorce to him. He didn’t narrate anything about his behaviour to his father.

Mr Sinha fumed with anger and went to Amyara’s place in Varanasi. Amit, who came to meet Amyara, was also there. Mayank’s father misunderstood the situation more on seeing him there. Mr Sinha also abused her.

Amyara’s father signalled her to be quiet. She went inside her room. He left their place after cursing the father-daughter duo.

On the same evening, Mr. Sinha called Gopal to know why he didn’t informed him earlier of all this nuisance.

Gopal told all the truth to him and now he was so ashamed of his behaviour.

Next day morning as he got down from rickshaw to go to Amyara’s house he saw Amit also getting down from the other rickshaw. He asked Amit if he likes Amyara? Amit confessed his love and also told him that he is unaware of Amyara’s feeling as he has never confessed his love to her.

Mr Sinha and Amit went to meet Amyara’s dad. Mr Sinha apologised to her father for not giving any chance to Amyara to speak and abusing them shamelessly. He also told them how ashamed he is for his son’s behaviour.

Mr Sinha held Amit’s hand and told Amyara’s father that after getting divorce from Mayank, Amyara should marry him and he is capable of taking care of her.

When Mr Sinha was telling this all to Amyara’s father she was on the door and she heard everything.

Everyone was shocked to see her. Amit went a step ahead and in front of everyone, he proposed Amyara.

Amyara’s father held her hand and said,” Today the situation might not be in favour of my daughter but I have raised her like a warrior. She will fight all odds and will always win.”

Amyara was in tears. She wanted to say so much but all she could say was,” I loved Mayank and all these incidences have left a void in my heart that will never fill up again. I needed a friend and Amit, you took him away from me. I have no feelings left for you too. I will not allow somebody to decide my identity.”

Amyara turned to her father,” Papa you have given me strength and upbringing that I can take care of myself very well. Please give me the keys of your printing press which is shut from a long time.”

AND Amyara decided to restart her dad’s printing press business to take it to new heights.

She found her ‘identity’ and didn’t let it shield by someone’s else…….

 

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1359

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 225

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.