So I’d walked out of the house after another fight with my wife who hated me(I thought so) hence I find myself sitting at a bar on a Sunday afternoon with a shot and a beer in front of me again.
Coz I am a mishmash personality who is really bad at controlling negative emotion.
I have given her a house, a kid and money to manage the house. She stills fights with me. She cribs for more…….???
More means… My time, my attention, conversations with me etc etc. Come on woman, I don’t have time for all these filmy things!
My marriage was complete shit and I’d convinced myself that it was her fault as her mindset had the “wrong” settings, she wasn’t understanding the ‘marriage’ at all.
And the result of these wrong settings is that I’d been sleeping in the living room ever since(almost 8 months now) she told me that she didn’t have feelings for me anymore and didn’t know whether she wanted to stay married. Though as an adult male these months of chastity were killing me, but how can I share the bed with a woman who tells me she doesn’t love me and doesn’t know if she wants to be married to me anymore. Doesn’t love me after I pledged my entire life to her?
I victimised myself quickly and entered into a ‘No Efforts’ Zone where I felt sorry for myself and no efforts were required to inspect the reasons why my wife was unhappy.
Still, we were a couple – a nagging and depressed wife uninterested in her husband and marriage & a poor, depressed husband trying simply to carry on.
So every time we had a fight, I did what all the sad and angry males do in the movies.
This time too, I went to the bar to drink, leaving my wife at home to take care of our toddler with the thoughts of how her husband always completely dismisses her thoughts and feelings.
I ordered a shot and a beer. And then another. And then another. Wanted to just forget everything coz remember I am the victim here.
So here comes a beautiful, sexy(I must say), sultry and drunk woman who sits beside me. WOW! What a beauty! What else a man of 39yrs who is presently deprived of all sexual pleasures could think?
Considering it was a Sunday afternoon and the bar was mostly empty, I was the obvious choice for any women interested in meeting a guy. 😉
After all, Drinking alone isn’t any fun.
She was beautiful. Educated. Fun to talk to and drink with. We spent hours drinking and joking and talking and laughing.
No amount of alcohol could make me forget how horrible it felt to be home in my loveless and stressful marriage.
AND, No amount of alcohol could prevent me from feeling the excitement of an attractive woman demonstrating a genuine interest in me after so many months.
And she starts chatting….
Bloody my husband thinks I am an unpaid maid in the house who will cook, wash and clean. Feed him and his children day and night. Give him sexual pleasures only when he needs it. If I advance then he doesn’t have time and mood for the same. He doesn’t have time even to sit with me for a cup of coffee?
And what do I get in return to manage all this? A spoiled figure, no social life, no independence, no identity, no ‘me’ time!!!! On the top, a housekeeping job for life!!!!
I was only 21 when I got married. Wanted somebody who would pamper me, praise my beauty, take me out for romantic dates. He doesn’t need to be a Shahrukh Khan but at least make me feel special. But my husband is always busy and tired for all this. Doesn’t have time for these filmy things!
I am not a machine, I am a human with feelings, with emotions and a mind to think.
I am just done…just done. Can’t take this crap more.
I want to be FREE!! I want to be with a man who at least considers me human. A man for whom I am irresistible. I have decided to end my marriage.
Here I was who was just trying to medicate enough to numb the tightness in my chest and throat gets a JOLT of his life.
“F**k man! So, this is the other side story that I never bothered to hear.”
Now, I just know this: I messed up big-time in our marriage, and failed my wife and family. At this moment, I can see it clear as day.
I didn’t know it back then while I was feeling sorry for myself and drunk-flirting with strange woman at a bar. I managed to do that WHILE blaming my wife for the state of our marriage.
I realized that even if I was a shitty husband, I could still make choices that wouldn’t hurt my wife or son.
I was the problem in my marriage and STILL played the victim card inside of my head and chest.
So, its time to run back home and say it aloud to my wife….SORRY!
Sorry for dismissing the fact that she is a human.
Sorry for hurting you when you needed me the most.
Sorry for taking you for granted.
I did it just in time. What about you?
Take my advice. Do it before you lose someone precious. DO IT NOW.