O Ri Chiraiya Nanhi Si Chidiya… Angnaa Mein Phir Aaja Re !! 629

On a hot summer afternoon, with early lunch, as I retired to my bedroom with kids for afternoon power nap, I was already feeling lazy. Though, kids who returned from school in the heat of May were so tired that they slept instantly. As I lay, the light noise of the fan along with the slightest thundering from the room Ac, I could hear a song in Punjabi from a distant( maybe somebody in the neighbourhood is playing the songs). My ears stood up to hear with an extra effort and could figure out ” Madaniyaaa, haye oh mere daadheya rabba, kinna jamiyaan , kinna ne le jaaniya…haye ( Oh my dear god, I wonder who have given birth and with whom they will go- the girls ).

With murmuring, I started singing the song, in a more clearer way to myself, I knew this since childhood, hearing from my grandmother. All that it has the pain expression of being a girl. Girl, since birth, is taken as some soul, who will stay for a while and then move to the next home with her husband. Then, it is understood that her marital home is her own and not the one she was born in, spent the wonderful childhood, have biological parents and siblings. it is just matter of one ceremony and then the whole logic of her existence changes.

The whole pain of being a girl engulfed my heart. Why in this whole world, it is this pain, the girl has to leave her house? Can we just imagine our boys, leaving their home and adjusting in altogether new home? No never, these boys cannot even imagine changing the place of their toothbrush for two days… ahh no. Making the new home, their own home, staying as if there is no problem and taking care of everyone else in the house, and the pain of leaving back her own parents and giving them least priority is difficult.

The fact is that girls are like sparrows in the garden, they don’t have a permanent home. For parents, they have to be married and leave them, so their stay is temporary and after marriage, the in-laws have a tendency to understand that she is an outsider, so may not accept her fully. In the actual fact, there is no home for girls.

In today’s time, these things hardly matter in course of displaying how modern we are assumingly being. But the truth is, the pain of a girl- can be understood by another girl only.

With two tears following each other in my left eye, strolled down, made me realize that I am being over emotional, I took a side turn to look at my daughter, who was in a sound sleep. And wondered, how will I ever let her, marry and go away, no never, never ever….aww…rolled another pool of tears and this time openly from both of the eyes. Pain…deep pain..it was.

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.