Reasons why you should not become a ‘Good Girl’. 701

How many of us are brought with hearing a theory of “being a good girl”. I am sure almost each one of us. Isn’t it??

‘ Be a good girl’, ‘ Good girls don’t do this’, ‘ You’re my good girl’,‘ Don’t you want to be a good girl?’……….etc etc etc.

The majority of us are taught and trained to be ‘Good Girls’ and the above are those suffocating statements that we are brought up with. So, I am no exception.

To be Born and brought up in a Punjabi family with an elder brother is herculean. Though my parents have always claimed that they have treated us equal, here I am telling you that,…… NO, they were biased.

My brother, being a rebel and mean got all the privileges and attention, every time, only I was told all the do’s and don’ts to become a ‘good girl’.

Thinking about others before herself

Obeying to elders without any question

No back chat even if the other person is wrong and you are right

Family before self

Be calm; don’t be fussy

Respect elders and love your younger ones always without any expectation

Shut down your logical mind and always do good to others

Keep things to yourself only, if they can create problems.

…………………are a few of the teachings that my parents instilled in me since childhood.

And me being an ‘obedient daughter’ and ‘a good girl’, as they made me, I followed all these teachings and always tried hard to keep up with everybody’s expectations.

So at my parents’ place, it was like….

I was the most compromised one coz I never demanded what I want or think.

My achievements were never celebrated coz being a good girl I never expected anything from anybody.

My opinions didn’t matter and sought after as I was obedient.

My choices were ignored as I was a non-complainer.

I was given least attention and time coz I never created a fuss.

I never got my favorite Barbie coz I was too understanding and knew its waste of money but my bro got every toy he wanted coz he was a rebel.

I never made friends coz ‘good girls’ don’t go out with friends.

I was the last priority for everyone coz I was giving too much.

Then I was considered to be of marriageable age, my parents selected a boy for me whom they think was suitable. I was not asked coz it didn’t matter and I was expected to say ‘yes’ so I did. Though I wanted to say ‘NO’ but couldn’t.

And my role changed from a “Good daughter “ to a ‘Good daughter in law”

So at my in-laws’ place, it is like……………..

My husband doesn’t spend enough time with me and I never complain.

My MIL always ill-treats me and I never pass my feelings to my husband as it may disturb the harmony of my house.

I have no celebrations on birthdays and anniversary and I am okay with it.

My likes/dislikes don’t matter and I have no choice.

I am taken for granted everytime like a piece of furniture and I don’t object.

I am almost ignored at all events and I keep quiet.

My sister in law takes credit for everything I do and I couldn’t tell my husband about it.

I am suffering and I don’t have anybody to talk to.

……………………….And all this just because ‘Good girls’ are supposed to be like that.

Today I have suicidal thoughts and I am lonely, without friends and family to listen at least. Nobody has time and interest to know what pain I have inside me, not even my parents. In this overcrowded world, ignored by every relation I am confined to myself.

Sometimes I ask WHY??? I am so good, selfless and giving…so why this happened to me??

The only answer I get is…….Because I had never demanded importance from people around. I never realised ‘SELF WORTH’. I never understood that its okay to be a ‘Bad Girl’ sometimes. It is really okay to be demanding, selfish individual who thinks about only his/her own pleasure. All I want is to convince myself that………

It’s is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right to put forward the objections. You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.

Today even if I want to, I am not able to adopt the traits of ‘bad girl’ coz the ‘Good girl’ in me has taken over me. And trust me, it’s a Curse!

 

 

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Let there be no other Pradyuman! 1926

 

Dear All,

This is an open letter to whomsoever it may concern, I am really shaken by the death of Pradyuman and series of events that have surfaced in different schools victimising little kids.

I am a mother of a 2-year-old child and the day I saw the news about the cold-blooded murder of a 7-year-old Pradyumn, I was left dumbstruck. Well, I never doubted the fact that human is the most dangerous animal but the way this little boy was murdered is…..no word can describe it.

I don’t know if there was something wrong with schools or there is something seriously wrong with the school management. But, another point that I would like to raise here is about the playschools.

I think most of the parents nowadays send their kids to playschool. It’s a place where children learn the basics of life and get geared up to enter the real world of schooling. But, have you noticed that there are so many playschools have mushroomed in every nook and corner of the city.

I just want to know how many such schools are affiliated or is there any system in place which assures that these playschools follow a set pattern. It might not concern a few but to many of us, it is a point of worry. Knowing the fact that our little ones are very small, they can barely speak clearly, they are too naïve to understand the ill-intentions and malicious thoughts; under such circumstances, there is a dire need to have a system in place which sets the certain protocol for opening playschools.

Even if there are parameters that need to be met to open playschool, it’s important to check for those schools which are running in a room or in a small area where no amenities are present.

What can we do as parents?

I agree to the fact that schools are the second home for a child but, taking into account the recent precedence, it is the time that we as parents take up the charge and become proactive.

If you are planning to enroll your child or have already enrolled then you must have these pointers on your radar-

  • You must know about the playschool and its staff.
  • Try to stay personally connected with the staff members and other staff of the school
  • Enquire about the verification procedure of the staff members
  • The schools should have enquired complete details about each member of the staff, starting from the teachers to the watchman
  • Enquire about the first aid facility available in the school
  • Make sure that you drop your child to his/her class
  • You should do a surprise check in the school
  • Don’t forget to meet your ward’s teacher regularly
  • And the most important thing, you should observe the behavior of your child. It’s very important that you must check if your child is happy to go to school and at the same time he/she is happy while coming back.

These are a few suggestions from my end, you can obviously leave your opinions and feedback on the same. Let’s promise to ensure the safety of our children and their childhood.

 

 

 

Why is ‘Adoption’ unapproved by society for an unmarried single parent? 1383

I was preparing for sleep last night when my friend Asmi called me up. She was sounding flustered. More than flustered, there was a rage in her voice. It happens rarely that Asmi cries. She is 30, strong, self-reliant and a career-oriented woman. She didn’t marry because she chose not to marry. There is no catastrophic heartbreak story behind. Her focus has always been on her career. She is practical and staunched.

I understood her heart is really heavy else there has never been any place for tears in her eyes.

I quizzed her the reason.

“I am not crying because am sad, I am crying because am helpless and exasperated.” Asmi retorted.

I didn’t interrupt and allowed her to put her heart out.

“Preeti, I called my mother last night and had an argument with her.” she continued.

“I told my mother that I want to adopt a baby. Before I could say anything further she started yelling at me. She scolded me saying, Asmi already because of your decision of not getting married we are in pain. Why are you adding troubles to our lives? If you really want to adopt a baby just forget us. We have to live in this society and will have to answer people around. You have always done whatever you want but this time you are crossing your limits.

If not today, maybe tomorrow you will get married. Who will marry a girl with one child? Such things appear good in movies only. You better start focusing on marriage now. Preeti, My mother wasn’t even ready to listen to my thoughts”. Asmi started sobbing.

I really had no words to console her. Her thoughts were irreproachable and valiant.

But we cannot even disregard the fact that we live in a hypocrite society. When celebrities like Sushmita, Angelina, Sunny and more adopt a baby, we eulogize, lionize, praise their thoughts and we consider it as an act of kindness. We appreciate their humanity. We deduce that they gave a new life to someone. But when anyone from our own house even thinks of adoption we make them go through ignominy by coming up with the questions like is there any medical issue? Are you not straight? Why don’t you marry and then plan your own baby? Why are you trying to shame your parents? Why don’t you understand this baby won’t be your own blood? Are you kidding? Etc.

I’ve read somewhere that parenthood requires love and not DNA. I wish we really understand that. Your genes won’t define your family, our family is built with love care and respect. There are many people who do have a heart for adoption but fear comes in between. Fear of society.

I wish people understand that adopting a baby whether you are single or married isn’t a crime.

Adoption will not only give a baby a family but will also give us a special feeling. A feeling of being human. Probably the purpose we all are here for, giving life a life.