How many of us are brought with hearing a theory of “being a good girl”. I am sure almost each one of us. Isn’t it??
‘ Be a good girl’, ‘ Good girls don’t do this’, ‘ You’re my good girl’,‘ Don’t you want to be a good girl?’……….etc etc etc.
The majority of us are taught and trained to be ‘Good Girls’ and the above are those suffocating statements that we are brought up with. So, I am no exception.
To be Born and brought up in a Punjabi family with an elder brother is herculean. Though my parents have always claimed that they have treated us equal, here I am telling you that,…… NO, they were biased.
My brother, being a rebel and mean got all the privileges and attention, every time, only I was told all the do’s and don’ts to become a ‘good girl’.
Thinking about others before herself
Obeying to elders without any question
No back chat even if the other person is wrong and you are right
Family before self
Be calm; don’t be fussy
Respect elders and love your younger ones always without any expectation
Shut down your logical mind and always do good to others
Keep things to yourself only, if they can create problems.
…………………are a few of the teachings that my parents instilled in me since childhood.
And me being an ‘obedient daughter’ and ‘a good girl’, as they made me, I followed all these teachings and always tried hard to keep up with everybody’s expectations.
So at my parents’ place, it was like….
I was the most compromised one coz I never demanded what I want or think.
My achievements were never celebrated coz being a good girl I never expected anything from anybody.
My opinions didn’t matter and sought after as I was obedient.
My choices were ignored as I was a non-complainer.
I was given least attention and time coz I never created a fuss.
I never got my favorite Barbie coz I was too understanding and knew its waste of money but my bro got every toy he wanted coz he was a rebel.
I never made friends coz ‘good girls’ don’t go out with friends.
I was the last priority for everyone coz I was giving too much.
Then I was considered to be of marriageable age, my parents selected a boy for me whom they think was suitable. I was not asked coz it didn’t matter and I was expected to say ‘yes’ so I did. Though I wanted to say ‘NO’ but couldn’t.
And my role changed from a “Good daughter “ to a ‘Good daughter in law”
So at my in-laws’ place, it is like……………..
My husband doesn’t spend enough time with me and I never complain.
My MIL always ill-treats me and I never pass my feelings to my husband as it may disturb the harmony of my house.
I have no celebrations on birthdays and anniversary and I am okay with it.
My likes/dislikes don’t matter and I have no choice.
I am taken for granted everytime like a piece of furniture and I don’t object.
I am almost ignored at all events and I keep quiet.
My sister in law takes credit for everything I do and I couldn’t tell my husband about it.
I am suffering and I don’t have anybody to talk to.
……………………….And all this just because ‘Good girls’ are supposed to be like that.
Today I have suicidal thoughts and I am lonely, without friends and family to listen at least. Nobody has time and interest to know what pain I have inside me, not even my parents. In this overcrowded world, ignored by every relation I am confined to myself.
Sometimes I ask WHY??? I am so good, selfless and giving…so why this happened to me??
The only answer I get is…….Because I had never demanded importance from people around. I never realised ‘SELF WORTH’. I never understood that its okay to be a ‘Bad Girl’ sometimes. It is really okay to be demanding, selfish individual who thinks about only his/her own pleasure. All I want is to convince myself that………
It’s is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right to put forward the objections. You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.
Today even if I want to, I am not able to adopt the traits of ‘bad girl’ coz the ‘Good girl’ in me has taken over me. And trust me, it’s a Curse!