Is marriage – a roller coaster ride or a merry go round?? 1004

Getting married is a wonderful feeling. Every time when I hear a distant cousin or someone telling me that their marriage dates have been decided by the elders and everyone are excited and anxiously waiting to start that new life, I stand on a tiptoe to give my piece of advice. Because am sure every married woman would have thought at least once in their life as “if only someone had told me before that this is how marriage is going to be”. Oh! Well, I’ am prepared that it is most likely that I can get thrown out for unnecessary poking my nose in someone peace and happiness. But trust me there are many things to know before you change your status from single to married.

Here are a few things for you to keep in mind if you are soon going to be married.

  1. On a positive note, everything will not change after marriage if you have found a right partner and if you are in the right relationship. If not, trust me, its going to be a roller coaster ride.

  2. That promise you make that you will care and look after your spouse health (in sickness) will come more often that you would not have dreamed off. So, be ready to be a nurse for life. 😉

  3. You will be surprised to see many old or unnoticed or new habits in your spouse that you were never aware of and……. some of them are really annoying. After all, you have not stayed together as long as you will now after marriage, isn’t it?… Truly they say…’Love is Blind’.

  4. If you think you are marrying a MAN, you are mistaken. Let me correct you here, you are soon to be married to the entire family of your man, not the man alone. So be prepared for all kind of ‘expectations’ Or ‘unrealistic expectations’, I must say!

  5. After marriage, you will realize that there’s no rule book on marriage and things will not work out the same way as your parents worked it out. So if you have any pre-assumptions for ‘how marriage works’, it’s my advice to just demolish all such mental assumptions. Am I scaring you? 😉

  6. You will soon become a superwoman coz things that you thought you could never do, will actually become ‘the part’ of your life. Hey, you need examples? Here they are….., cleaning, washing, wipe vomit and poop(Mind it, it’s not only of your own kids), cooking,  etc

  7. Marriage will help you know your patience and tolerance level. And yes, beware coz you will be exposed to the limits.

  8. The temporary memory loss of men is unaccountable because it will become so often that you will start wondering what if your spouse is beginning to show signs of early amnesia. But yes, you will not be allowed to forget even one single thing, event, incidence, discussion, task etc etc…. Being a woman of the house, you are accountable for remembering everything.So, don’t forget to feed a list of reminders in your mobile. See, only technology will help, no other will!

  9. There can be fights on the silliest of the matter. It’s not a problem as long as you know how to deal with it. Don’t forget to do a course on ‘how to be crafty in relationships’ before prefixing ‘Mrs…..’ to your name.

  10. If you are hoping that your spouse may change after marriage and you try to ignore any issues, then you are wrong. Coz nothing… no one will change as they really don’t want to. Be ready to accept him as it is and without any expectation.

  11. Do not be shocked with the things of similar likings may not be same later on. High chances that you will find more things of both of you disagreeing with each other than agreeable.

  12. Having children is not always a joyful moment. You seriously have to be prepared for it, both physically and mentally. No matter who you have for help, you will be on your own.

  13. After marriage you realize the good looks and beauty that you were attracted in the first place, does not matter at all instead, it is the person within is whom you loved. Decide wisely and shift your criteria now. Oldies says, a good man is long lasting in a relationship than good looks.

  14. Contrary to any phrases such as “my other half”, marriage is two whole people. It is all about knowing about two individuals and there is nothing as the other half. Trust me also when people say “one + one =2” Marriage is one + one = 3. Know well that you are responsible for every act and anything you do.

  15. If it’s an arranged marriage, you may not fall in love immediately after marriage. It takes a time to fall in love. All the best!!

  16. Last but not the least, you will be expected to be a ‘Super compromiser’ regarding your likes, dislikes, career, thoughts, point of view, choice of clothes, choice of food etc etc….You have to compromise on everything. In rare cases, men or his family will. If they do, you are lucky!

All I want to say is being married is fun and exciting but at the same time it is also stressful and can be very confusing initially. It’s OK if nothing works perfectly. It’s all about learning, growing, progressing together. It’s about a lifetime of loving and sharing. As said, being married can be awesome because you will have someone to hold you for life and when in need but only if you choose wisely and prepared mentally.

HAPPY MARRIED LIFE!!

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Let there be no other Pradyuman! 1926

 

Dear All,

This is an open letter to whomsoever it may concern, I am really shaken by the death of Pradyuman and series of events that have surfaced in different schools victimising little kids.

I am a mother of a 2-year-old child and the day I saw the news about the cold-blooded murder of a 7-year-old Pradyumn, I was left dumbstruck. Well, I never doubted the fact that human is the most dangerous animal but the way this little boy was murdered is…..no word can describe it.

I don’t know if there was something wrong with schools or there is something seriously wrong with the school management. But, another point that I would like to raise here is about the playschools.

I think most of the parents nowadays send their kids to playschool. It’s a place where children learn the basics of life and get geared up to enter the real world of schooling. But, have you noticed that there are so many playschools have mushroomed in every nook and corner of the city.

I just want to know how many such schools are affiliated or is there any system in place which assures that these playschools follow a set pattern. It might not concern a few but to many of us, it is a point of worry. Knowing the fact that our little ones are very small, they can barely speak clearly, they are too naïve to understand the ill-intentions and malicious thoughts; under such circumstances, there is a dire need to have a system in place which sets the certain protocol for opening playschools.

Even if there are parameters that need to be met to open playschool, it’s important to check for those schools which are running in a room or in a small area where no amenities are present.

What can we do as parents?

I agree to the fact that schools are the second home for a child but, taking into account the recent precedence, it is the time that we as parents take up the charge and become proactive.

If you are planning to enroll your child or have already enrolled then you must have these pointers on your radar-

  • You must know about the playschool and its staff.
  • Try to stay personally connected with the staff members and other staff of the school
  • Enquire about the verification procedure of the staff members
  • The schools should have enquired complete details about each member of the staff, starting from the teachers to the watchman
  • Enquire about the first aid facility available in the school
  • Make sure that you drop your child to his/her class
  • You should do a surprise check in the school
  • Don’t forget to meet your ward’s teacher regularly
  • And the most important thing, you should observe the behavior of your child. It’s very important that you must check if your child is happy to go to school and at the same time he/she is happy while coming back.

These are a few suggestions from my end, you can obviously leave your opinions and feedback on the same. Let’s promise to ensure the safety of our children and their childhood.

 

 

 

Why is ‘Adoption’ unapproved by society for an unmarried single parent? 1383

I was preparing for sleep last night when my friend Asmi called me up. She was sounding flustered. More than flustered, there was a rage in her voice. It happens rarely that Asmi cries. She is 30, strong, self-reliant and a career-oriented woman. She didn’t marry because she chose not to marry. There is no catastrophic heartbreak story behind. Her focus has always been on her career. She is practical and staunched.

I understood her heart is really heavy else there has never been any place for tears in her eyes.

I quizzed her the reason.

“I am not crying because am sad, I am crying because am helpless and exasperated.” Asmi retorted.

I didn’t interrupt and allowed her to put her heart out.

“Preeti, I called my mother last night and had an argument with her.” she continued.

“I told my mother that I want to adopt a baby. Before I could say anything further she started yelling at me. She scolded me saying, Asmi already because of your decision of not getting married we are in pain. Why are you adding troubles to our lives? If you really want to adopt a baby just forget us. We have to live in this society and will have to answer people around. You have always done whatever you want but this time you are crossing your limits.

If not today, maybe tomorrow you will get married. Who will marry a girl with one child? Such things appear good in movies only. You better start focusing on marriage now. Preeti, My mother wasn’t even ready to listen to my thoughts”. Asmi started sobbing.

I really had no words to console her. Her thoughts were irreproachable and valiant.

But we cannot even disregard the fact that we live in a hypocrite society. When celebrities like Sushmita, Angelina, Sunny and more adopt a baby, we eulogize, lionize, praise their thoughts and we consider it as an act of kindness. We appreciate their humanity. We deduce that they gave a new life to someone. But when anyone from our own house even thinks of adoption we make them go through ignominy by coming up with the questions like is there any medical issue? Are you not straight? Why don’t you marry and then plan your own baby? Why are you trying to shame your parents? Why don’t you understand this baby won’t be your own blood? Are you kidding? Etc.

I’ve read somewhere that parenthood requires love and not DNA. I wish we really understand that. Your genes won’t define your family, our family is built with love care and respect. There are many people who do have a heart for adoption but fear comes in between. Fear of society.

I wish people understand that adopting a baby whether you are single or married isn’t a crime.

Adoption will not only give a baby a family but will also give us a special feeling. A feeling of being human. Probably the purpose we all are here for, giving life a life.