Things I mulled over before I decided to become mother & you should do it too.
Not sure whether to have the first baby yet? Yes, I understand it's really an important decision especially in our time so everyone wants to be double triple sure. And one should be, coz going from two in the family to three is one of those “forever” changes.
With all the ladies that we have in our lives, right from mothers, grandmothers, chachis, buas, maamis, not to forget....'Sharma aunties', we are really under pressure to decide this 'earthshaking event' just after our marriage. Aren't we??
I just want to share what I cross-checked before I decided to go for it, I hope it helps those who are still in this catch 22 situation. You must ask these questions to yourselves as a couple.
Question 1 - Is our marriage healthy enough, strong enough, and happy enough to support a baby?
Very important to judge yourself as a couple and status of your marriage. Go ahead with a baby decision only if you have a strong relationship with your partner. And if it's not then it is wiser to wait. Do not...Yes, do not listen to age-old advice that a child can and will strengthen your marriage. It will only weaken you in your marriage.
Question 2 -How will we manage during pregnancy and after the baby is born?
Of course, you must think about this. Few lucky ones have 'No- trouble' pregnancy but for most, the first trimester is bad and if you are like me, it is 9 months trauma. So, arrange for yourself and your partner in crime ;) . And yes, once you have that little bundle of joy in your life, your life will be upside down and that no one tells you. Managing baby and your house alone is near to impossible. Help is a must at least for 1 year. Trust me on this!
Question 3 - Will we be cooperative parents?
Very important! How good your 'cooperation status' as a couple is? Adding a child to the mix is equal responsibility of parents. You must first ensure this because after the baby you will really need your partner to cooperate with you on many levels especially if you're in a nuclear arrangement.
Question 4 - Are we mentally prepared to sacrifice our time, attention, infact everything and give it all to the baby instead?
Last but not the least, the word sacrifice comes in. For a mother to be, it literally means 'Everything' and that includes your career too. It's better to be late than sorry. For me, it was a career break of 6 yrs. Trust me and you may ask others who have been there, it is really difficult to spend days and night in your T-shirt and pajamas, no parlors, no eating & sleeping routine, coz you don't have time for yourself. So, are you ready for it??
See, I am not here to scare you...no, not at all. All I want is, you to be very sure so that it would be a lifetime celebration. After all, having a baby is the happiest, yes I mean it, the happiest event that ever happens in a woman's/ couple's life but it brings a lot of responsibility too.