Who says Time heals everything? 222

“Time heals everything”, I’ve often heard people saying this. Does time really heal the pain?

I don’t think so.

With each passing day, we feel the pain even more and more till we become numb or we are gifted with the bigger pain.

If I recall, the first time I became gloomy was when we were leaving our grandparents house and were shifting to a new house. Though it was nearby still I was saddened for a very long period of time. I used to sleep with my grandmom and suddenly I had to sleep alone. My parents thought I am happy to have my own space but actually, I wasn’t. Till date am not. I still hate sleeping alone.

Another incident that comes to my mind is when I reached class 5th my father gifted me an ink pen and I lost it. I felt the pain not because I lost a pen but because my father specially bought it for me and while gifting me he said “Finally my beta is a big girl now. Write well because you will not be able to erase anything from now on” happiness on his face was worth capturing. I lost it and for months and months, I kept searching it. I was crestfallen.

I was a good student but when somehow I scored less than expected marks in class 10th. My parents looked at me with huge disappointment. My mother said “You will never be able to rectify this, these marks people will ask you wherever you go” and she was correct, I had to show my 10th mark sheet even when I was sitting for my college placement after completing my masters.

And sometimes I feel the pain and ‘me’ go hand in hand. Time actually didn’t cure anything instead gave me “better” reasons to cry upon.

I am 30 now and this time I’ve been gifted with something which I believe is called more than “pain” or the undeniable pain.

Six years back I met ‘him’ in my office. There was something magical in the first meeting itself. Ah! I won’t call in love at first sight but it was miraculous. His looks were not very appealing, he was neither the perfect Mills or Boons hero nor was he a muscular hunk. But he was a gentleman, He treated everyone alike. He greeted the guard with same grace the way he treated the manager. I think that’s what attracted me may be. He was very ground to earth.

We started as friends and then after three months, he proposed me for marriage. As soon as he asked my hand for marriage I told the same to my parents. They were against it because he was of different caste and the first time I realized how society is going to kill my dreams now. I am still haunted by her words. My mom said “How can you even think of marrying him. We don’t care how suitable or bad he is, all I know is he is not of our caste. “From looking after my happiness to looking after society’s happiness, I realized I’ve grown up. Since that day there was no looking back. My parents kept on finding matches for me and I kept on rejecting them.

I saw my parents’ health deteriorating but I couldn’t give up on him. But I never blackmailed them, never raised my voice instead I patiently tried to convince them.

I went through a lot in these six years. My parents didn’t talk with me, my grandparents were finding so many matches for me as they knew nothing, I must have seen more than fifty matches, I had to fight for my own individuality with him as well but I thought everything I can bear as long as he is with me.

“Don’t wear this, don’t speak with him, don’t go here don’t’ go there etc “, I thought these are normal fights that will be fine once am married. Moreover, I hate breaking relations so instead of moving on I tried to mend everything every time.

I also made him realize the value of his parents, his religion, his friends, his career. I stood by him through thick and thin. Because one thing I was sure of that he won’t ever leave me. I blindly trusted him.

I even became palsy-walsy with his family. They loved me very much. I used to spend time with his family often. Unlike me, he refused to see any girl for matrimony. He was waiting for me.

I knew my parents loved him too but society was the bothering them. I was trying hard for everything.

But from few months things were changing. I felt he was taking me for granted. I sometimes felt being avoided. He was totally dipped in work.

Last month, I was in New York for some official work. I still remember that cold evening.

I was sitting in a coffee shop as I was tired of spending hours and hours on his birthday shopping. He was on my mind and smile on my face made it evident that I was missing him. And then his name flashed on my phone. I jumped out of joy.

“Hi, where are you?” he asked in his disturbed tone.

I got worried. All my happiness became restless too.

“I am at a coffee shop, is everything okay?” I questioned him in a restless tone.

“Reach back and call me ASAP” he replied and disconnected the call.

I got tensed and rushed towards my hotel.

The moment I reached my room I called him.

“Say what happened?” I asked.

“See whatever I am going to say, Listen & Understand before reacting”.

I was losing my calm. “Speak up, ” I said

“My parents have fixed my marriage. “ He responded with a sad tone.

“ No No NO.. What? How can they do that.” My heartbeat stopped for a moment.

“See understand your parents won’t agree & I can’t spoil their health anymore. This is the first girl my parents have seen & I have said yes without even meeting her. No point dragging this relationship. Your family won’t agree. You need to settle down soon you are 30 now. Your parents are keeping unwell. This was bound to happen if not today then some other day. Better to quit. I know you are hurt but gradually you will understand my pain also. This society will not let your parents say yes to me. ” He said calmly.

“When are you getting married?” I asked him in shattered tone.

“June 28th” He whispered.

I disconnected. I was numb for few seconds and then I cried on top of my voice.

In last one month, all I did was, keeping my self-respect aside, I pleaded with his family and him to stop this. They can’t punish me for loving him so much.

These days people in the office look at me with sympathy. Their eyes and smile kill me inside.

Today, I feel dodged. Whom to blame? My parents, his family, him, myself or this society.

The agony that I am going through is beyond words. I cannot pen down the exact feeling. I feel depressed, suffocated and dead. My parents taunt me saying “Look at him if he can be so respectful towards his family that he agreed at once, why couldn’t you. You have let us down. You are 30 now. From where should we get you good matches”.

Now I’ve to hide my tears, my pain and show my parents that am ready for marriage.

Time will heal everything. People console me.

Really?

Will time put back together, my broken heart?

Will time give me my six years back?

Will time give back my parent’s health?

Will time rebuild my trust in relationships?

Will time make me fall in love again?

No, I don’t think so…….. Time Heals Nothing!!

 

 

 

 

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Let there be no other Pradyuman! 1926

 

Dear All,

This is an open letter to whomsoever it may concern, I am really shaken by the death of Pradyuman and series of events that have surfaced in different schools victimising little kids.

I am a mother of a 2-year-old child and the day I saw the news about the cold-blooded murder of a 7-year-old Pradyumn, I was left dumbstruck. Well, I never doubted the fact that human is the most dangerous animal but the way this little boy was murdered is…..no word can describe it.

I don’t know if there was something wrong with schools or there is something seriously wrong with the school management. But, another point that I would like to raise here is about the playschools.

I think most of the parents nowadays send their kids to playschool. It’s a place where children learn the basics of life and get geared up to enter the real world of schooling. But, have you noticed that there are so many playschools have mushroomed in every nook and corner of the city.

I just want to know how many such schools are affiliated or is there any system in place which assures that these playschools follow a set pattern. It might not concern a few but to many of us, it is a point of worry. Knowing the fact that our little ones are very small, they can barely speak clearly, they are too naïve to understand the ill-intentions and malicious thoughts; under such circumstances, there is a dire need to have a system in place which sets the certain protocol for opening playschools.

Even if there are parameters that need to be met to open playschool, it’s important to check for those schools which are running in a room or in a small area where no amenities are present.

What can we do as parents?

I agree to the fact that schools are the second home for a child but, taking into account the recent precedence, it is the time that we as parents take up the charge and become proactive.

If you are planning to enroll your child or have already enrolled then you must have these pointers on your radar-

  • You must know about the playschool and its staff.
  • Try to stay personally connected with the staff members and other staff of the school
  • Enquire about the verification procedure of the staff members
  • The schools should have enquired complete details about each member of the staff, starting from the teachers to the watchman
  • Enquire about the first aid facility available in the school
  • Make sure that you drop your child to his/her class
  • You should do a surprise check in the school
  • Don’t forget to meet your ward’s teacher regularly
  • And the most important thing, you should observe the behavior of your child. It’s very important that you must check if your child is happy to go to school and at the same time he/she is happy while coming back.

These are a few suggestions from my end, you can obviously leave your opinions and feedback on the same. Let’s promise to ensure the safety of our children and their childhood.

 

 

 

Why is ‘Adoption’ unapproved by society for an unmarried single parent? 1383

I was preparing for sleep last night when my friend Asmi called me up. She was sounding flustered. More than flustered, there was a rage in her voice. It happens rarely that Asmi cries. She is 30, strong, self-reliant and a career-oriented woman. She didn’t marry because she chose not to marry. There is no catastrophic heartbreak story behind. Her focus has always been on her career. She is practical and staunched.

I understood her heart is really heavy else there has never been any place for tears in her eyes.

I quizzed her the reason.

“I am not crying because am sad, I am crying because am helpless and exasperated.” Asmi retorted.

I didn’t interrupt and allowed her to put her heart out.

“Preeti, I called my mother last night and had an argument with her.” she continued.

“I told my mother that I want to adopt a baby. Before I could say anything further she started yelling at me. She scolded me saying, Asmi already because of your decision of not getting married we are in pain. Why are you adding troubles to our lives? If you really want to adopt a baby just forget us. We have to live in this society and will have to answer people around. You have always done whatever you want but this time you are crossing your limits.

If not today, maybe tomorrow you will get married. Who will marry a girl with one child? Such things appear good in movies only. You better start focusing on marriage now. Preeti, My mother wasn’t even ready to listen to my thoughts”. Asmi started sobbing.

I really had no words to console her. Her thoughts were irreproachable and valiant.

But we cannot even disregard the fact that we live in a hypocrite society. When celebrities like Sushmita, Angelina, Sunny and more adopt a baby, we eulogize, lionize, praise their thoughts and we consider it as an act of kindness. We appreciate their humanity. We deduce that they gave a new life to someone. But when anyone from our own house even thinks of adoption we make them go through ignominy by coming up with the questions like is there any medical issue? Are you not straight? Why don’t you marry and then plan your own baby? Why are you trying to shame your parents? Why don’t you understand this baby won’t be your own blood? Are you kidding? Etc.

I’ve read somewhere that parenthood requires love and not DNA. I wish we really understand that. Your genes won’t define your family, our family is built with love care and respect. There are many people who do have a heart for adoption but fear comes in between. Fear of society.

I wish people understand that adopting a baby whether you are single or married isn’t a crime.

Adoption will not only give a baby a family but will also give us a special feeling. A feeling of being human. Probably the purpose we all are here for, giving life a life.