As a daughter in law myself, I know that this relationship is complex and tangled. This mother in law; daughter in-law relationship is like a weighing scale, the newly wed son is like a needle who is constantly pulled from one side to another. And the balance is IMPOSSIBLE. Isn’t it??
When a marriage happens, the mother in law is very happy to have a well educated, beautiful etc etc ‘Bahu’( daughter in law) but just after all ceremonies get over, you see a completely different MIL. The outlook of the young, progressive woman that was flaunted before now becomes a matter of constant criticism in the family.
The insecurity of losing her son to a woman who has just entered his life becomes so strong that a mother in law is blinded to the fact that her son’s attraction towards the new bride is damn natural and biological too. There is a new relationship in his life now and there’s no need to initiate a power struggle. Sometimes this power struggle not only creates irreversible differences in the couple’s life but makes the life of a new bride abusive and unbearable.
Here are few silliest specimen of that ‘typical’ thoughts that make mothers in law insecure and berserk that she unnecessarily initiates a never ending tiff in this relationship:
1. Until today, my son used to ask me what to wear, but now ‘Kal Ki aai’ (one who has just entered his life) decides for him and he also asks her only.
So what?? If your son wants to ask his wife, who knows better about latest fashion trends, what’s the harm?
2. I am the mother and I know best for my son. Who is she to advice him on matters?
Come on dear MIL, the girl with whom your son is married is educated and qualified enough to advice him on all matters. Why don’t you trust your choice, if you selected her for your son and even your son’s choice if its a love marriage?
3. My son used to tell me his choice of food but today he just asks his wife to cook for him.
So what Mataji? If a new bride wants to cook something for her husband, it is only out of love not to prove you something. In fact, share recipes with her so that she can cook as good as you. After all, she is taking care of your son’s appetite.
4. Before marriage he used to take me out with him every time but now he wants to take his wife alone for dinners.
Why can’t you understand that even she needs private moments with your son, physically and mentally both? You need not accompany them on every outing, movie, dinner. After marriage, family time is once a while not every time. The daughter in law has no issues with you spending time with your son. After all, you are the reason to his being.
5. Earlier I used to sit in the front seat of his car but now my daughter in law has all the privileges.
What’s wrong in that? If your ‘Bahu’ sits in front in the car holding your son’s hand while he is driving. It will only strengthen their relationship as life partners. You seated on the back seat sometimes will not make you less mother.
6. Whenever he used to be late in the office, he used to call me to inform. Today he calls only his wife.
Your daughter in law is as concerned as you are for your son. You should be happy that there’s somebody who takes care and loves him as much as you do. Why be jealous?
7. My daughter in law constantly tries to control my son, wants to snatch him away from me and I am losing my house, my son to her.
Why would she do that? You will remain his mother and her, the wife. There is no competition. So stop taking her as your competitor in the house.
Aren’t the above reasons sound funny and silly?
I want to tell all MILs out there that…….. don’t forget the fact that you all were not born mothers-in-law.
You were born daughters, grew to be women, then new brides, wives, mothers and then mothers-in-law. As a woman, you know the pain of adjusting to a new environment after marriage, you must help your son’s wife adapt instead of knocking her down on every occasion.
All I want to say here is….Dear mothers in law, please be prepared emotionally for this inevitability or else don’t marry your sons just for the sake of it.
Note: I know and admit that Not all mothers-in-law are thoughtless, senseless and cold towards their daughters-in-law but they are really RARE. Aren’t they? 😉