Despite being modern and open-minded, as we proudly call ourselves, when it comes to becoming a mother, in heart of our hearts, we want to become a mother of a son. And if in case, one is not thinking that way, the society we live in will give us bulldozing examples and benefits of having a son. Being a married woman whatsoever may be your education or accomplishments as a person, you are expected to give birth to a son for the greatest admiration.
Yes, it may seem non-digestive to few, but those who experience this will definitely agree with me.
But this is just one aspect, there is another aspect to this male dominant society. As a mother, each one of us especially from north-India ( that’s what I have noticed, nothing personal please), we have got that extra pamperedness for our boys. And this I am saying with an experience as a girlchild and now as a mother of both a son and a daughter.
As a girl in a Punjabi household, I was expected to be obedient, tidy and respectful to everyone around. But for boys in the family, for every statement of disrespect to any guest, my mother used to dive in saying, ” Lao Ji, bahut moody hai ji, baaki ankh taan bahut zyada hai aeis wich.” (he has too much of self respect). I felt that in the matters as trivial as the daily routine, the girls are asked to keep themselves tidy and organised but the boys can take extra benefits of “being a boy ” anytime, by not bathing, scattering clothes here and there or being totally unhygienic.
As a sister of the household, if you tend to compare yourself with their attitude, a mother will jump in saying ” Rahen de ( leave it) , Munde aidaan hi karde ne ( boys do like that), chal unho tang na kar zyada ( do not trouble him that much) “. Mothers can spoil them to any extent. From serving them on bed, cook meals for them in the middle of night, assuming that their “ladla” will be starving whole night and no wonder “ladla” had full diet of chicken with friends on the street to even clinging their saving to minus when their son wants to have 3 days trip with friends.
So, these spoiled brats, who have never picked their utensils from the dining table, with their mothers claiming ” Rahen de, main haan na ( leave them, I’ll do it) “, the whole life they hardly know how to wash their socks or undergarments.
The other day, I remember, when I was teaching my two-year-old, to throw his toffee wrapper in dustbin, the elderly from neighbour, who was watching, claimed ” Chad, vichare ton kyun kam karana hai, munda hai, koi lod nai, appey kar le ( leave him don’t teach him all this, after all, he is a boy, why don’t you do it urself?) and I was really pissed off to hear that, but again didn’t answer her coz that’s what we, as girls have been taught since childhood. Aren’t we?
Most of the times, these boys will have to move out of the home and survive on their own in rented spaces in other towns. Will they be comfortable washing their own clothes, cooking for themselves and making their beds themselves? No, they will definitely face the brunt of life and would be helpless then.
We know life in hyper metro-cites or smart cities now are not easy for both men and women, where both have to work equally. Won’t this partial behaviour will create a tiff in his married life? Won’t these boys will become men who will always think that household chores are not his job? Won’t his would be wife will have to suffer this trauma for life? The answer is obviously….YES!
In the fast moving lives of today, trends are changing. The girls nowadays are equally qualified, smart and working in their respective careers. They want their soulmates to treat them equally and understand that the household chores are the equal responsibility of both the partners.
So, my point of writing this is an appeal to all mothers that there is no need to bring up your daughters like boys but the need of the hour is to make your boys understand right from childhood that the girl in the family is their equal in all aspects.