Why to spoil our ‘LADLA’ for the worst? 160

Despite being modern and open-minded, as we proudly call ourselves, when it comes to becoming a mother, in heart of our hearts, we want to become a mother of a son. And if in case, one is not thinking that way, the society we live in will give us bulldozing examples and benefits of having a son. Being a married woman whatsoever may be your education or accomplishments as a person, you are expected to give birth to a son for the greatest admiration.

Yes, it may seem non-digestive to few, but those who experience this will definitely agree with me.

But this is just one aspect, there is another aspect to this male dominant society. As a mother, each one of us especially from north-India ( that’s what I have noticed, nothing personal please), we have got that extra pamperedness for our boys. And this I am saying with an experience as a girlchild and now as a mother of both a son and a daughter.

As a girl in a Punjabi household, I was expected to be obedient, tidy and respectful to everyone around. But for boys in the family, for every statement of disrespect to any guest, my mother used to dive in saying, ” Lao Ji, bahut moody hai ji, baaki ankh taan bahut zyada hai aeis wich.” (he has too much of self respect). I felt that in the matters as trivial as the daily routine, the girls are asked to keep themselves tidy and organised but the boys can take extra benefits of “being a boy ” anytime, by not bathing,  scattering clothes here and there or being totally unhygienic.

As a sister of the household, if you tend to compare yourself with their attitude, a mother will jump in saying ” Rahen de ( leave it) , Munde aidaan hi karde ne ( boys do like that),  chal unho tang na kar zyada ( do not trouble him that much) “. Mothers can spoil them to any extent. From serving them on bed, cook meals for them in the middle of night, assuming that their “ladla” will be starving whole night and no wonder “ladla” had full diet of chicken with friends on the street to even clinging  their saving to minus when their son wants to have 3 days trip with friends.

So, these spoiled brats, who have never picked their utensils from the dining table, with their mothers claiming ” Rahen de, main haan na ( leave them, I’ll do it) “, the whole life they hardly know how to wash their socks or undergarments.

The other day, I remember, when I was teaching my two-year-old, to throw his toffee wrapper in dustbin, the elderly from neighbour, who was watching, claimed ” Chad, vichare ton kyun kam karana hai, munda hai, koi lod nai, appey kar le ( leave him don’t teach him all this, after all, he is a boy, why don’t you do it urself?) and I was really pissed off to hear that, but again didn’t answer her coz that’s what we, as girls have been taught since childhood. Aren’t we?

Most of the times, these boys will have to move out of the home and survive on their own in rented spaces in other towns. Will they be comfortable washing their own clothes, cooking for themselves and making their beds themselves? No, they will definitely face the brunt of life and would be helpless then.

We know life in hyper metro-cites or smart cities now are not easy for both men and women, where both have to work equally. Won’t this partial behaviour will create a tiff in his married life? Won’t these boys will become men who will always think that household chores are not his job? Won’t his would be wife will have to suffer this trauma for life? The answer is obviously….YES!

In the fast moving lives of today, trends are changing. The girls nowadays are equally qualified, smart and working in their respective careers. They want their soulmates to treat them equally and understand that the household chores are the equal responsibility of both the partners.

So, my point of writing this is an appeal to all mothers that there is no need to bring up your daughters like boys but the need of the hour is to make your boys understand right from childhood that the girl in the family is their equal in all aspects.

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1357

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 221

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.