Working after kids is a difficult decision. Isn’t it? 50

While going through the videos on the facebook, in different groups, yesterday I saw a very horrifying video, where the maid who was taking care of a two-year small child on their flat. While working mother was away, she has trusted the maid with taking perfect care of her piece of heart. But what the CCTV camera video was showing, that was horrifying. I cannot express in words how I felt when I saw the maid illtreating and beating mercilessly two-year-old given to her to take care.

With eyes full of tears, I looked away from my phone screen and shivered away with pain. I could relate the pain of the mother, as six years ago, when I left my six months old daughter to join back my office. After 8 months of maternity leave, my office was already sending me reminders to join back. Though I was not at all willing to leave my little angel alone, but my husband and in-laws prompted me to join back.

” Why have you studied so much, to sit back home and handle kids, no never, rather go ahead and pursue your ambitions, I’ll look after her don’t worry, after all, I have raised my own three kids too. ” said my mother-in-law.  So finally. I agreed to join back my office and pursue my career.

I still remember, how anxious I was, that whole night, with the idea of going to the office and leaving my little one at home. Though I live with my in-laws and have a very loving and caring mother-in-law, but leaving my own child, without me, the whole day, at least for 8 hours was difficult. ” Why I am doing this? ” asked my heart. ” After everything you are doing this for your daughter so that she is proud when she sees you as a successful individual.” answered my heart.

I got up early, took a bath, arranged each of her daily use clothes, nappies, diapers, toiletries, feeding bottle, medicines, and rattles all at an easy place so that my mother-in-law or anybody in the home can see them whenever they need them. My house maid also comforted me, ” Bhabhi , I’ll help badi madam too, to handle your daughter, I too have small kids, I know how do you feel. But don’t worry and go ahead.”

As I got ready, my mother-in-law packed my lunchbox too with extra eating stuff, since I too was going to the office after maternity leave and needed more care as per her. But I was least concerned about myself. I was just holding my daughter, feeding her till last minute and thinking what will she do after every two hours.

As I started my car, put it in reverse gear to take it out of parking outside my home, I felt that tear rolling down my cheeks. I stopped, open my door, rushed back upstairs to my room to see her and there she was calmly sleeping in the lap of her Dadi. My husband came from behind and asked me to calm down and go ahead. All through my drive, I was thinking, “how weak one becomes after becoming a mother?”.

The time in what we are living today is simply competitive. Where both husband and wife have to work just not to survive but yes, to achieve their respective goals in lives. Many of my relatives with old mentality found it a harsh decision, to leave my little daughter at home like this, to pursue my career. Others asked, ” Ki lod hai ( what is the need), don’t your hubby earn that much ?”. Even at the office, people were sympathetic towards my plight. But with the support of my husband and my lovely family, I was working more efficiently now.

There are very few lucky working women like me, who get such a supporting family to pursue their dreams and see the world. Family, who do not wish to hold back the “Bahu” of the house with responsibilities towards family and kids, rather be independent and show her real talent.

I must confess, my heart always melts for each working woman in this world, who leave her kids, her heart at home and look forward to work for future of her kids and of course her own identity.

Now, when I reach back home, my six years old daughter and two years old son, run to hug me happily and then discuss their day with me in their own language. I slightly pat my back that with the grace of God and support of my family, I am earning much to give them secure future and obviously a proud professional.

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“I Fear a Relapse”, Says Deepika Padukone. 1359

The trailer of the most awaited Padmavati movie was released making us wait on a tiptoe for the movie to be released soon which is actually on December 1st, 2017 (See the trailer here). While on-screen Rani Padmini fights for her honor, the actress who plays the role, Deepika Padukone is fighting altogether a different battle in her real life.

While shooting for the Happy New Year movie, Deepika was fighting her inner battle of depression. Although she did not realize it then. Her mother who came to visit felt there was something wrong and requested Anna Chandy, a psychiatrist from Bengaluru to talk to her daughter. Though Deepika ignored it for a period of time, she finally recognized her problem and took steps to cure it. However, in a recent event, while talking about the Jauhar scene of Rani Padmini in the movie Padmavati, she revealed that she lives in a constant fear of a relapse of depression. She said “ I don’t think, I am completely over it. There is always a fear of relapse as that phase when it happened is the worst experience in my life”.

Since her opening up about her condition in public, there are numerous articles written about depression and there are plenty of suggestion available for someone who is looking for help. But, the truth is a lot many of the population who are suffering from depression do not know that they have it and they need help. Most of them try to think it is nothing but stress, fatigue and they are over-worked.

Like Deepika said in one of her interviews earlier while talking about her feelings during the time, being sad and being depressed are two different things. When someone is sad, they look sad, but when someone is depressed, most of the times they hide it. They try to behave normally while the feeling of emptiness keeps nagging at them. You do not have to be poor or have to lose something in life to be depressed. Sometimes the feeling of depression has no reason.

How to recognize the signs?

When someone is depressed, you may notice certain changes in them. Such as,

  • Less interested in daily activities
  • Loss of appetite and weight changes (can lose or gain)
  • being angry and irritable most of the times
  • less energised
  • self-loathing
  • reckless behaviors
  • Change in sleeping patterns

These are some of the changes we notice in a depressed person, not for few days but on a regular basis. If you spot these in someone or if you are facing it yourself, get help. There is no age or gender who are affected by depression.

Recognizing and understanding the symptoms of depression is the first step to finding a solution. Once you know, meet a good psychiatrist and get help. There is no shame in finding help to cure a mental illness. We meet our doctors for physical illness. In the same way, sometimes our mind also need that extra help too.

Do not, I repeat do not ever be afraid to ask for help!!! Because you might be surprised that there are so many good people around you who really care and want to help you.

Marriage – the funniest ironical institution in India 225

Many people would not be able to figure out the mistake in the following figure. Well, there is no grammatical mistake, there is no printing error or any other fault in it. If you still haven’t figured it out, I have an answer for you, I would like you to face the ironical reality of the modern world or the 21st century where the thoughts and ideologies of Paleolithic age still prevails.

Women have always been considered as a pillar of the society, we have given her various names, we worship her, pamper her and consider her to be the live giver; there is nothing wrong in it. However, it blows my mind to see such kind of ideas still prevail in the society. I personally feel that a woman gets a chance to change her life, the first time she is born, the second time her life changes when she gets married and the third time she changes her life when she gives birth to a new life. But, amidst all this ebb and flow of life cycle, why is there a question that she needs to answer every time. Why is there a need to prove that she can equally love her parent and in-laws? Well, if you feel that I am proclaiming something different, then you must have a look at the picture here.

I find arrange marriages to be the funniest institution in India. Irrespective of the fact that I am a party to it, I still believe that it has some funny traditions and beliefs flowing in it. I would like to highlight a few-

  • The first thing that we say in India is, “Shaadi hamesha barabari ke khaandaan mein honi chahiye (One should get married in a family who is equal in status with the other),” Well, if that is true, why this equivalence is only restricted to money, why no one questions on thoughts, beliefs, ideas, vision etc. Yes, money is important to run a family, but imagine a situation where you have a big house, a big car etc. but both husband and wife are never on the same page. Is that the mantra for a happy married life? At least I don’t feel so.
  • Another popular phrase which we commonly here during the marriage is that “Shaadi to parivaaro ka mail hai ( Marriage is not between two people, it is the bonding of two families,” if that is so, why a girl has to put her in-laws first and ignore her parents. If that’s not the truth, I would again request you to run through the picture above. Why can’t both the families co-exist. Although, things are changing, the ground reality is different.
  • One of the common things I have heard is, “ Ladki ko sasural ke hisab se adjust karna chahiye (girl must learn to compromise and live as per her in-laws and husband),” there is nothing wrong in it and I too believe in it, but what if we tweaked this scenario, like both the parties can make slight adjustments so that everyone is happy and the guy or the husband doesn’t have to take sides.

What I have written is not new or neither revolutionary, I have actually started to find our society to be hilarious. We are never in a phase to create an equal world, rather we always pester on the fact that one has to be above, I think this hierarchical ideology is still haunting us since the time of Britishers. I don’t know how much change will come in the times to come, but, even if one person transforms after reading this, I will feel content.